I am so dumb. I'm really trying to get back into the groove but obviously I don't want it enough. Or I wouldn't keep sabotaging myself! I fasted for 24 hours on water only, then broke my fast tonight at 5pm by drinking about 28oz. of green smoothie which consisted of water, romaine, bananas, and apples. Then I proceeded to have a taste of the peas I'd made for dinner that were mixed with saute'd onions & garlic in chicken broth & oil. OMG! They were so yummy, I ate like a full cup. Then it spiraled downward from there - dully noted that I felt like crap about 2 minutes after I started eating them.
I don't really know what to do. I think the BIG thing for me is we don't have any fruit in the house except for 8 apples, maybe 4 oranges, and dates. We have some bananas but they're almost to the fermented stage, possibly half fermented, and I need those to make DH's smoothie for breakfast in the morning by cutting out the fermented pieces.
Seriously? I don't think I can do this without bananas and MORE FOOD in the house!! I need to make sure I have these available AT ALL TIMES!! I really liked Sarah's advice about if I'm going to cheat, at least promise myself that first I will have a large portion of fruit. Then and only then, will I make the decision to eat SAD. So tomorrow, even though I'm dreading it, I am going to pack the kids up (all five - no school now until April 2nd!) and drive the 15 miles to our only organic food store. There I'll buy a bunch of food, enough to last a few days anyway, before it spoils.
I really want mango, avocado, watermelon, bananas, and strawberries. So I'm going to look for those and splurge - strawberries are all on sale now at like $1.49 a pound in the local grocery stores so I'm hoping that maybe some organic ones are in stock too. The problem is even if they're on sale, they're way too expensive to buy enough (they were 2/$5 in Arizona) to make an entire meal. So they'll have to be a luxury.
Oh yes!! Today while I was getting hungrier & hungrier coming into hours 23 & 24 of my fast, I ordered 12 lbs of the dates Harmony ordered, I can't remember what they're called - oh yeah, Barhi I think they are. I better like them! LOL! I love the Medjool dates I bought locally, and they're almost gone, so if they're even close to those I'll be happy. I also bought 5lbs. of raw pistachio nuts which I absolutely LOVE, and the good thing is that it takes 52 pistachios to equal the 20 almonds I was eating each day, both in entire calories and also fat grams. So I'm looking forward to that being my snack. Seriously, the nuts & dates are what kept me going back when I was trucking along into day 11!
So I'm almost hesitant to even say this, but starting tomorrow I plan to jump in head-first, and promise to eat TWO bananas at least, if I start craving something that's around the house. I really, really, REALLY want to do this! So I know if I take away, or even curb, those cravings then I'll get my head screwed back on where it should be, and will decide not to give in after I've eaten bananas.
I'm thinking of asking DH if it's ok if I budget $50 to buy myself a new outfit if I go 30 days without cheating. I don't know - it's not very much of an incentive when I'm not accountable to anyone except myself. But having others out there reading this blog makes me feel so much more accountable! So tomorrow night please, pretty please, let there be a better posting from me than this one!! =(
5 comments:
You're doing great, Sherah! You're doing your best and can't ask any more of yourself than that! :) Best wishes getting back to 100%.
Gee, I hope you like the barhis after ordering the 12 lbs of them!! Well, if you like very soft, sticky, sweet dates that melt in your mouth and have the taste & consistency of caramel, then I think you'll be happy with them. ;) Did you order from Oasis Date Gardens? They are great. Dates you buy online directly from the source are a different world from what you buy in the grocery store. I think you'll agree. Have a great day shopping!
YES I read your post very carefully, LOL, before I ordered them. I bought 5lbs of the medjools from bulknuts.com I think it was, and some of them were more crunchier. But I especially loved the gooey ones that are soft & sticky (although I was paranoid they'd have eggs in them, LOL!) that melted in my mouth. And caramel is one of my favorites - I'll let you know how it goes! And yes, I ordered them from Oasis Date Garden. I had to do the UPS Ground so it'll be probably a week before I get them.
Harmony must be feeling a lot of date pressure these days. LOL. You're not the only person who has bought dates based on her compelling blog reviews. LOL! She hasn't disappointed me yet though. :)
Sherah, hang in there, and go at the pace you can. I think you're doing fantastic so far, and bumpy times are to be expected, but they are not impossible to get through at all. Maybe you could seriously tell yourself that you'll do this for (2 weeks? 30 days?) and after that, you can TOTALLY go back to cooked if you want. But 30 days will give you the feel for whether this is worth it or not. Make sense? And if you fall off, don't feel bad about it...just learn and keep going! :)
Telling myself I can eat whatever I want after 30 days IS a good idea, but I'm such a perfectionist! Like it's NOT going to work unless I'm doing this for a year straight without ANY cheating. So I need to cool it as far as my very very high expectations of myself - and realize that this is not a marathon race. It's a day-by-day, life-long journey that isn't going to be made perfect in one day, one month, or even one year.
Oh yes! Another thing I wanted to say - I AM continuing on and that is HUGE for me! I can't believe I've been raw since August 2006 - I would say I've been raw about 95% of the time if I group it all together. That is a huge change, and I'm proud of it! I haven't given up by ANY means - and that is a victory, I think. =) Plus, "falling" off the wagon so to speak, doesn't really matter - it's what I do with myself AFTER I fall off, that is really going to make the difference.
Great attitude, wonderful words! :D
As long as we keep going, we're golden!
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