Preteens and Family Picture Days...

I am not going to whine. I am not going to complain. I had a post all written out in my head and as I came here to write it, it occured to me that what I had in mind was more of a whining and "poor me" type of attitude. No, that is not what I want. I want to be full of joy and hope for my children and for me even in my journal entries - to know that even though a morning might be full of stress and the darkness threatening to overtake me & my children...that I can rise above that and with God's help, be the sunshine that streams into all the dark places and turns everything rightside up.

Yesterday we tried to take our family pictures. I think we did just fine, at least I hope - I didn't get to see them yet. We all wore pretty matching Christmas colors and took our pictures at a gorgeous Christmas old mill setting outdoors. Brrrr. It went well - Bret & I tried really hard to be in good moods because that really seems to set the tone for our family. Not forced smiles, growling to them under our breath to SMILE when they're all teasing and about to burst into tears because we're yanking them back into the picture, lol. Not an easy task but hopefully soon I'll have a new picture to put on the top of my blog! =)

Anyway, Bret and I went our separate ways right afterwards; we were both invited to a wedding but had no babysitter so I took all the kids home.

Oh, my. For some reason as soon as we got into the car, all of them cold & in a crabby mood, it started. Actually, our photographer (my sister in law is a professional) agreed to take pictures of just Bret & I, so we quickly put the kids in the car and went out again to brave the cold and took some beautiful pictures near an old red barn with white glass paned windows. So nice, to grab that quick moment and be a "couple" again. =)

But when I opened the car door I was greeted with screaming and tears and scowls and .... wow. Even the baby was crying. I took a deep breath, turned around, and tried to calm them down by listening to his story about how she hit him, and her story about how HE was kicking her chair so it was completely justified. I am a mother bear when it comes to my babies, so I was a bit peeved that they had made the baby cried, basically scared her with their yelling.

So - preteens. This is an interesting age. I am one who has been a bit afraid of the whole teen era - looking at my sweet daughter and gosh, you can really work yourself into this whole "petrified" frame of mind when it comes to thinking about this or that bad thing that could happen. But I really have had it come to me so strongly, not to worry. To really and truly let GOD take care of my children but at the same time - to storm the gates of heaven for them. To be that Mother that is on her knees for her children to preserve them from the spirit of the world AND especially, for wisdom to work with each one. For patience....

Patience. Ah yes. Longsuffering. Love is, that.

I think that is the era I am in right now with my 10 1/2 year old preteen. There are some girls who stay little for a while longer than others. They play with polly pockets and love to write stories and read them to their moms, and .... boys? All they think of when it comes to BOYS, is that they don't want to play with them because, well, they're not girls.

We've got the other type of girl in our preteen. The type that is fascinated by makeup and nails, and takes care to fix her hair a different stylish way every single day. Clothes and shoes are MOST important and her friends at school are so important to her that she is moved to genuine tears when told she cannot do this or that with them. The TV show "Zack & Cody" is one of her favorites, although we no longer allow her to watch them. This child, is seriously, about 14 in the way she is interested in things much older than her normal age. Or maybe....maybe this is how most kids are? She's my oldest, my first to reach this age, so I don't really know.

Anyway, the thing that is heavy on my heart on this day, is the way that my sweet girl talks. My oldest, my first baby, my sweet, precious girl. Is. Not. Nice. I don't dwell on exactly what it is she is saying, because I don't want any bitterness or anger towards her to stay in my heart.

She really is a pretty girl, but lately her face has been twisted into a sneer or a smirk or just a plain old glare, most of the time. She informs me quite often that it is all my fault, whatever it is that she mad about. She mumbles mean things about me and the other children under her breath and "whatever" is one of her favorite words these days.

I just look at her, and sigh, and continue on. This morning that verse came to me, "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart!"

I am not going to lose heart - I thought about it on the way home from school, that the only thing that matters for ME is that I am saved. She was mad at me this morning because I didn't get the kids up early enough to get them to school before breakfast started. (I did get them up early enough but DD3 and DS1 both peed in their beds so needed quick baths, and when I did ask my preteen to help a bit she refused. Although she did get the baby up & in her carseat, so she did help some =) When the only reason I am taking them early to breakfast in the first place (as opposed to eating cereal at our house in the morning) is because she really wants to. The other kids are fine with eating at home and it requires us going about 35 minutes earlier than normal. I get this feeling of hopelessness that I can never please her and then I remember two things.

First, I am the mom and it is my decision what we are going to do - I don't do things to please her or because she's throwing a fit.

Second, no matter what she says about me or how it makes me feel when she tries to cut me down, when I feel like I am totally failing at being a Mom and she is going to turn into a horrible person because I don't know how to find that fine line between giving up my pride and not letting her get away with being mouthy, it is THE MOST important that I take the situation right and especially do not react angrily towards her. That is what is going to save my children, that I myself am being changed and worked with like clay in the potter's hand - then I will be able to change into the Mother that God wants me to be for them.

Just some ramblings of what is in my heart this morning - now I'm off to take care of my home after the weekend craziness. =)

One of my secrets!

Hee hee - I was thinking about this today - I should blog about it, I thought. So I am. One of my secrets when I have everyone crying at once, or whining about the same thing over & over and I have TOLD them not to do that...that I am no longer listening....





.....I burst into song!


It's the funniest thing. There's got to be some kind of chemical reaction in our brains (and hearts!) that happens when we sing, because it immediately changes things for me. It doesn't matter WHAT song it is, as long as it is uplifting and encouraging - so usually not a country love song or something, lol. When I sing the songs written about God (from my church, usually) out loud it totally changes the atmosphere in my home and in my heart.

Sometimes it does change their moods, but most importantly it changes mine and puts my focus right back where it should be. Like today the thought occured to me that I am crazy for having this many kids, and I seriously can.not.handle.it. But when I started singing,

"There's only one God, He who liveth above, all glory and praise to His name!!! With all of my heart His commandments I love, and now I can boldly proclaim: GOD is the Lord, God is the Lord - I choose to hold fast to His word! My all I have laid on God's alter to stay, I've cast every idol away."

That's what I started singing today (the first random song that came to mind) and oh, how it filled my heart with thanks and praise to God for MY life! And it also came to me so strong that I am so blessed with my many children. They truly are blessings from God and I am thankful for them. I'm not crazy for having them so close together - God planned it that way, anyway.

So, just wanted to share my secret. It's not so easy to go into the bedroom and pray when I feel irritation coming on and need that extra dose of grace from Him. So if you come in the door and hear me belting out a particular loud song, lol, it's probably because I'm in the thick of it and using my secret. =)

I can't breathe!

Ever have days like this?! Oh my goodness, seriously, I feel like something is pulling me under water and I am struggling with all my might to stay above water but it's not working.

The children are home from school this week. That is, I have a 10 year old, 8 year old, 7 year old, 5 year old, 3 year old, 1 year old, and 4 month old. All wanting Mommy to do something for them, and why or what is taking so long???? Come ON already, Mom!

At the moment I am speaking of, I needed to:

1) help figure out how to make a friendship bracelet to a frustrated 10 year old girl

2) make lunch right NOW according to the 8 year old boy who was crying and hungry

3) help my 7 year old boy decorate his paper Christmas tree with glue and such for school

4) help my 5 year old tie a string on to her paper mask so she could wear it, and then a minute later, help her tie a ribbon around her waist so she could run & dance with it on

5) my 3 year old girl was standing beside me asking for some cheese cuz she was hungry, yet her cereal was sitting unfinished on the table

6) my 1 year old was standing on the other side of me with his blankie in hand, begging me to hold & cuddle him ---> he's been sick

and last but most certainly not least ~

7) my 4 month old girl was sitting in her Bumbo seat crying for me to do something...most likely feed her. Yet, when I fed her, she didn't want it...


....oh, what to do? Where to start? Sometimes I just tell them, guys, I seriously can NOT hear you when you all talk at once! Like I do have 2 ears, yes I know, but they honestly do not hear separate things at once, lol.

And the funny thing is, last night I went to bed (quite late, about 1am, due to the same little #7 darling who has a hard time settling in for the night) and had such high hopes for this day in regards to getting things done!

I know I desperately need to get on some type of schedule or something, but the thought of even putting it together overwhelms me so I don't, and then the day flies by and nothing gets done except oh yes, I do make dinner. =) And take a shower.

But anyways, here it is almost 2pm and the thing I have actually accomplished is to cook the black-eyed peas for dinner. The black beans are simmering, to be frozen for later use - that's good, right? Oh, and I DID make bracelets with DD, I DID help DS decorate his Christmas tree with black beans, and I DID make lunch (good thing). I also cuddled DS, I fed DD, and I helped tie on some twirly pink ribbon and fix DD's face mask. That took like, an hour!

So this is my life.

But guess what? I love it! YES I do feel like I can't breathe - but the thing with that, I've thought often, is that I'm forced to come to the end of my capable self. I am brought to my knees in my inability to do it all, and seeing my own weakness when it comes to be frustrated and unable to speak kindly to them when I so badly want to be that Mom! So I go to God in tears and He strengthens me, every time.

Above Rubies Retreat was....

...completely and utterly amazing! I recommend it for almost everyone. The reason why I say almost, is because being a Mother, and receiving as many children as God has for you (among other things) is pretty highly esteemed and rightly so. It's just that if there are those wishing to conceive and can't/haven't, or there is a divorce situation where life is not how a normal family should be, it might be hard.

The thing that really struck me, was that all denominations of Christians were represented there. I even noticed Mennonites. It didn't matter if you were baptist, methodist, or (I don't know what all the denominations are) anything else - we were all united in the one desire and heartfelt need to have Motherhood lifted up in our eyes. Not a drag, not a hardship - but such a wonderful thing that is blessed by God!

On Saturday night we had a really special time of prayer. Prayer circles, as we call them in our church. Different ones had different needs - there was prayer for the pregnant moms, prayer for those wanting to conceive, prayer for the moms with new babies, and prayer for each of our homes. We gathered in a big group and laid hands on those being prayed (or at least, the ones closest to them did) and it was a time that I personally was able to turn inward and really pray to Him.

I can't really explain it very good, but I came away feeling like I was so refreshed in my spirit. I felt such a burning need in my heart to press in to God and really fight for my family in the spirit world. Nancy Campbell told us that it isn't easy to train up a child in the way he should go, as it is written - it does take work! But oh, what fruit is born from that work! That was really good for me to hear, because yes it was all well and good hearing everything she had to share, and I wanted to do it - to train my children - but to understand that it's not going to be a matter of coming home and just "doing it".

I understood that it will take a death of my own self in my heart, a breaking of my own will to have it "just so". I need to be on my knees before Him with a broken and a contrite spirit, and He will meet me in my need especially when it comes to my children and the story we will personally write.

I met some really special people. Listening to them pray, I could hear their hearts and I don't know, it just brought tears to my eyes as I could see that I myself, need to have much more of a need to know God personally than I do. I love it when I am put in a place where I see people who are more zealous for God, more hungry for God's Word than I am, because it shows me where I need to be much more diligent and that I am getting "sleepy" like a foolish virgin.

I am definitely going to the Above Rubies in March if God (and my husband) allows it - and I would also love to bring more friends with me, especially my sister. Nancy Campbell really is special - she reminds me so much of the women written here in Titus 2:

1) But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: 2) that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3) the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4) that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5) to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

That verse is exactly and entirely what Above Rubies is about. She comes across with such a love for God and such a desire to help younger women - but not at ALL in an "I'm better than you" or lording it over you, attitude. She sat with me and some other women during one lunch, and it was fun to talk to her. She treats you as an equal and is interested in hearing about your family, how you do this or that. She truly has a love for people and reminds me very much of some of the older sisters in our church. Often when people would ask her questions, she would answer to the best of her ability and then turn to us for answers. "Does anyone have any experiences or help to add?"

On Sunday we had the opportunity to share our testimony - or anything that is working on our heart....situations that God had worked in our lives. I was moved to tears often - and was so encouraged by the God that we serve! So encouraged to really learn more about God and see what He has for my life.

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to go and feel really blessed to have a husband who was willing to watch the children (except the baby) for the whole weekend.

What does God have for me?

I feel like I'm coming to a crossroads in my life. I know things need to change, that I am being forced to change, it's just a matter of which way I am going to go.

I am no longer a Mother of 3-4 little ones who need exclusively for me to do everything for them. For me to clean up the house, for me to do all of whatever needs to be done. I have older ones now, and it is my sole task here in my home, to train them up in the way they should go. It is going against God to do it all myself! Because that is promoting laziness and that is not from God.

That's the other thing, though - I am SO lazy!! By nature, it's my natural tendency - I see a big something that needs to be done (toys, dishes, laundry, dinner, exercise, errands) and the first thing I want to do is run to my bed and pull the covers over my head. The second thing I want to do (since that never helps; the children all think I'm playing and want to climb all over, lol!) is just sit on my rear end and eat something bad for me and numb my mind with some sort of entertainment.

Of course I can't do that exclusively either, but looking back over my life (and yes, even this morning!) I am ASHAMED at how many times I have given into the spirit of laziness. Because I am not called to that, as a disciple of Christ! I'm NOT! If I think I'm a good christian and am obedient to Him while I am allowing this to live in my heart, I am NOT. I am going against Him, in fact.

So that's where I am today. There has to be more order in my home. There needs to be more giving of myself, more training the children in the way they should go, and less (oh MUCH MUCH less!!) entertainment for them AND me in it's place.

It's uncomfortable to write this. Because it's true - and truth hurts sometimes. But it is my heart's cry and my desire to have it different.

So I am making a change.

The part that I struggle with, of course, is what kind of changes? How to change? How to really and truly, completely change how things are - and make it something that isn't just temporary? We all know (oh, how I do know!) how dieters yo-yo back and forth with no consistency for years and years and have nothing to show for it. The DESIRE or faith is there to do it, but the works or the actual action that follows MUST support it or there will be no progress. Actually, even less - deterioration. If I'm not going forward, I am not standing still. I am going backwards.

There are two blogs that I follow avidly, reading every post with great interest to see how these mothers do it. They both have 16 children, but lead two very different lifestyles as far as mothering goes (but both love the Lord, their life, & their children with all their heart).

This one writes,

I am a stay at home mom with 16 kids, all but one still at home...I don't like rules and regulations, stupid laws, or other infringements on my rights but: I love when people are ethical and respectful from their own hearts and consciences...I love babies, and being pregnant, and love having all the children around. I love my teenagers-they are so much fun. I love my husband like crazy. I love going to the beach and staying until the sun sets. I am not organized, have no good advice to give, and cannot always remember my kids' snack days. But I love them with all my heart.

This one is a believer of order and writes,

Although I am flexible to a point, I make it part of my job to organize and keep things orderly. I have to know where my toothbrush and mascara are, as well as the baby's t-shirts and Daddy's workpants. Knowing how many pounds of rice and beans to buy each month keeps me from buying too much or too little, and helps me budget in all sorts of other delicious and nutritious things to eat.

I believe that God is calling me to change my lifestyle now. I just am not sure exactly how to go about it, or what exact path (like these two ladies, who are obviously happy and both have God-fearing children that are thriving) to take.

What does God have for me?

Honestly, I'm excited to find out! I've recently borrowed the Duggars' book (family of 18 children) from the library, and also another one written by a Mom of 13 children called "Love in the House". I'm of course wanting to train my children up to be godly, but I feel a strong pull in the spirit to get my home in order. But not just any sort of order - the order that GOD has for us, as a growing family that is starting to need more than just Mom doing most everything.

I'm being led to get on my knees more these days, to really pray to God in my need and ask for wisdom on how OUR story should be written. We can't copy so and so, and expect the same results because our family is not them. We are different, and that's okay. I am looking forward to hearing from Him what we should do, and will share with you what that is when it becomes reality.

My New Health/Diet Blog

I decided to split up my blogs. This blog was started to detail my raw vegan journey and then I sort of started veering off into a different direction, just writing my thoughts about whatever. So now I'm going to have two separate blogs for those two separate topics: family and diet. Here's the link:

The Last Few Pounds

Above Rubies Retreat!

I am so excited! I've shared with you all the work God has done in my heart when it comes to the dinner table and what an opportunity that is for sharing, love, and blessing my family. The Family Meal Table book by Nancy Campbell is what opened my eyes, and I love, love, LOVE the Above Rubies site which puts out these publications with tons of articles too. I can't even say how many times I've started out my day as a grouch vegging at the computer, only to read something so encouraging about my calling at home on that site that it completely changes my outlook on that day.

Above Rubies is based on the verse in Proverbs, "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies..."

A good friend of mine from church, Jeanette, introduced me to Above Rubies and I am so thankful. She mentioned once that if they ever held a retreat within driving distance then would I like to go with her? Would I!

A couple of months ago I was thrilled to see that Nancy is coming to our area! As in, the city I live in - so no long distance driving, even! I quickly emailed Jeanette and after prayer and consideration with our husbands, we both decided to pay the $100+ and attend. It's a weekend retreat and covers all lodging, food, etc.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that the retreat is being held at our very own church's conference retreat center! Ha ha! I had to laugh at that one - we run a very efficient and profitable rental facility 100% by volunteer, of which I have volunteered many times. I've cooked for the rental groups and now I get to be one of the rental groups! So that's going to be fun, being served food and catered to by my own friends. Hee hee! And also really nice, because we'll be meeting in the main room which has a wonderful baby's room. I'll be using that, I'm thinking!

So anyway, it starts tonight! I've been looking forward to it so so so much - I'll be sure to post back and tell you how it went. I am not going to be staying there, since it's easier for me just to come home & get a good night's sleep, and DH is graciously babysitting all 6 kids for the entire weekend so I can go. I'm looking forward to being refreshed and renewed in my spirit concerning my ministry as a homemaker, Mommy, and wife.

A nap is good, but....

...not when used in excess! Or so, this Mommy is finding out. For me personally, I've noticed that naps don't really help the tired factor. At least, when I've gotten a semi-decent amount of sleep. I've found through trial & error, that if I had a "normal" night (normal being whatever I'm currently used to - it's all relevant, right?) and take a nap, I'm even more tired the rest of the day.

This week I've routinely brought the kids to school at 8:45, then came home and put a movie on for the 3 year old, and the 1 year old went back to bed for an hour (he doesn't function well unless he gets his morning nap). The baby sleeps quite soundly in her carseat so doesn't usually wake up on our morning excursions (thankful for this!). So I started hopping back in bed to snuggle in the warm covers and doze/nap with the door open and a listening ear for my 3 year old. She's a good girl and doesn't generally do much she's not supposed to. Give her a cheese stick and put on Caillou and she's a happy camper!

Only problem is, it felt too darn good! It was HARD to get out of that bed! And then, of course, not much gets done around here....to the detriment of the home. I feel lazy and disgruntled and annoyed that I don't have very much time to do anything that day. Well, duh. I wonder why!

Yesterday things actually went quite smoothly. But then, that was yesterday. I got up at 7am to feed the baby, then started making lunches at 7:20. Got DD10 out the door to school by 7:35, then got everyone's clothes ready for the day. Even down to the socks - those are ever so important for the health of a good mood when we're late for school, aren't they?! I got drama queen DD5 up extra early to give her time in case she did the whole stomp-the-feet or slam-the-door thing which happens kind of often in relation to subjects hair, shoes, socks, dress, or snacks and in turn, makes everyone else late for school. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has to deal with this sort of thing, lol! So we actually arrived to school 10 minutes early, imagine that, and it was nice to get a cozy nap in the morning.

But today?? Oh, today. Not today. Definitely not today. I woke up feeling rebellious against my diet and promptly ate two chocolate breakfast cookies (not on my diet). I woke up groggy. I woke up NOT wanting to get the kids up extra early to make their hair fun for crazy hair day. Ugh. No time to get their clothes ready. DD10 is mad that I didn't wake her up....we only have 2 tortillas left for school lunches instead of enough for 3 kids.

We did make it on time, with 2 minutes to spare. Thanks to my sweet DS8 who helped the 7 & 5 year old color their hair with washable markers while I sewed balloons on his raccoon hat for the crazy hair affect. I love that they're getting old enough to help the littler ones now!

But as I was coming home, I decided something. No more naps. Today I'm getting dressed to my shoes so I don't feel so lounge-ish, my hair looks nice and I feel just....better about myself. I'm getting on the computer (after this - blogging is much more important, of course! =) to take care of the Ebay newsletter I publish even though I really, really, REALLY don't feel like it. I'm deciding that...feelings? They are not going to play a part in my life today. Nope. I'm going to stick to my diet and do my chores to bless my home, take care of my online business which provides income for my family and do the laundry with a song in my heart.

Because feelings come and go, they rise like the tide and then disappear completely sometimes. But being happy is a decision that I MAKE and do, despite what I feel like. I'm looking forward to a fulfilling day full of opportunities to put this to good use! =)

Green Smoothie Magic!

A while back I posted about the McDougal diet I was going to do. Since then, I've been quiet about dieting - on purpose. =) Why? Well, for me, raw foods is just the "it" way to eat. I feel the best, lose weight the fastest, and honestly do really love it. It's just so dang hard to stick to! But when I do, it's the way that *my* body loses weight.

So it was really, really hard to wrap my head around eating starches and cooked food and all that, for a diet. So I decided that while I do SO love McDougal *especially* the delicious oatmeal I looked forward to and craved every morning, that is going to most likely have to be my maintenance diet. I love it because it combines eating raw and eating very healthy cooked in a real and practical way. Not hardcore on either ditch. So once I reach my goal weight of 125, I plan to start eating that way.

But ahem, speaking of hardcore. You're going to think I've gone off my rocker, those of you who are not familiar with raw foods and the magic of green smoothies. But those of you who know all about raw are going to nod your heads and say yep, makes total sense.

What am I talking about? Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen smoothies, folks. They're the best invention since sliced bread. Here's a purty picture:


I don't know what got my butt in gear, but something just clicked and I decided enough already with the back & forth junk to raw foods dieting. So....drumroll...19 days ago I embarked on a green smoothies only journey, and I never looked back.

I have to say that this is probably the best, easiest, most wonderful "diet" I have ever been on. What does it consist of? Green smoothies, morning, noon, and night. Green smoothies only. Always. Every time.

Wanna read more? I started another blog all about it, and the accountability has been WONDERFUL!! Definitely a big part of my success. But I was a little too chicken to post on here, my big public blog, so I waited a bit until I had some good time under my belt to post.

I've lost 8 pounds in 19 days - which is so very cool! It's not extreme, it's pretty moderate...about 1 pound every 3 days. Anyway, you can read more about it on my other blog, a day by day account on that. Originally I started out with 14 days as my goal, and as it approached I knew I wanted to do it longer. So 21 days is now my goal, but I plan on turning it into 30 days as soon as I reach 21 days.

I'm loving this soooooooo much!!! =)

I love homemade bread!

I think I'm addicted. But that's a good thing, because it's not the actual bread that I'm addicted to. It's the smell! Soooo good! We go through about 1 loaf per day at our house, basically enough to make sandwiches for all the children (DH usually has hot lunches/supper leftover). So lately I've been making a fresh, new loaf of whole wheat bread in the evenings so it'll be ready for making lunches in the morning.

Today I was craving the smell! There is just something so heartwarming and cozy about the smell of fresh-baked bread wafting through the house. I do have a bread machine, but I just use it to knead the dough because the smell and shape are not the same if cooked that way. It's super easy now that I've put together little packets "premixed" so all I have to do is add in the water, honey, oil, and yeast. It takes me, like, all of about 3 minutes to do it all.

DH is not really a bread lover, and the children - who knows, they seem to like it okay. Although my 7 year old son informed me that he didn't like his sandwiches made out of the bread...and then proceeded to eat an entire slice with nothing on it. LOL!

So Excited!!

Can I just say, that I love my Mother in Law??? Yes, I'm one of those lucky girls who gets a jewel for a new Mom.

A little background.

My mom is awesome. She's raised 11 children - actually, still raising some of them. She has a 17 year old, 14 year old, and 8 year old at home, as well as a 22 year old who is going to college. She also runs a dog breeding business and sometimes has as many as 25 puppies in her care, waiting to be sold to a new home. In her early years, she would have as many as 7 children in her daycare in addition to having so many of her own - we were all born about every 2 years apart (I am second oldest).

When I was 14, Mom quit the daycare and started her own business! Yes, a real live store that was called, "Nice as New Boutique" and featured consignment clothing for the whole family. I worked there most of my teen years (invaluable experience!!!!), but my point is, that she did this while having a large family of so many. I look back and shake my head and ask her, "How did you do it, Mom?" ~ she answers that she seriously does not know. LOL.

So....yeah. She's kind of busy these days. As in, running her kids to three schools and trying to juggle everything (they also now have a huge 3-story house....try cleaning that!) in her own home ~ and at the same time trying to be involved in her grownup kids' lives. She has 18 grandchildren now. She wants to spend time with them, she tells me that often - and she tries to, but is just stretched in so many directions! It is understandably, not very often that we see her.

My Mother in Law, on the other hand, has not had any children in the home for a very long time. She has five children and her youngest is in her late twenties. She is a stay at home Grandma, and fills in where my Mom is not able to. She has the children over often, to spend the night or go garage saleing with her - and recently took my DD10 and her friend to a local amusement park.

You know how it is when just one child is taken out of the mix, sometimes? It can make the world of difference in the dynamics of the home - not that it's bad when they're there, just sometimes there is one child who is in a bad mood or teasing the little ones and it starts wearing Momma a little thin. Nice to have a break once in a while, and hug & kiss/warm refreshed welcome when they come back! =)

So today she called me and we were chatting (that's another thing - who chats on the phone with their MIL like best friends?? So cool!) and she said she has some tomatoes from her community garden to bring over. Then she said if I want, she would love to start coming over on Fridays and watching the kids in the afternoon so I can go garage saleing! Oh my gosh, are you serious??!!! I know that my home is my palace, that I love being here, that there are heavenly jewels on my apron because of my sacrifice for my children, lol, etc etc etc and don't get me wrong - I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being home!

But sometimes....it's nice to get a break. Without having to pay someone. Without feeling guilty because I'm leaving DH with the kids and feeling like I need to rush home. Sometimes...that is just what is needed to return home with joy and look forward to my task once again.

I'm super excited. And looking forward to Friday!

Triple Dinner Night!

Tonight I did something I've never done before, surprisingly enough! Actually, it's not that surprising - I wasn't able to do it before now, because we only had our tiny little freezer connected to the fridge to work with.

I've read alot about women who swear by this "once a month cooking" thing - it sounds neat, but alot of work. And besides, who in the world has THAT much room in their freezer, to enable them to actually cook *all* their month's meals and freeze them? Maybe those ladies didn't have such a big family as I do, though.

Anyway, I do like the concept, but not so extreme because I LOVE to cook and really enjoy the hunt for the perfect meal that fits the criteria of our family's preferences. That's probably why meal planning hasn't worked that well for me because I tend to deviate from it too much. I don't feel like making meatloaf tonight, so instead I make something else. LOL.

We were recently given a nice full-size upright freezer that now sits in our garage and houses lots of fun things like Zip-Lock baggies full of shredded/cooked chicken, ground beef, homemade broths. I've been having fun. =0

Today I wasn't sure what I was going to make, but Lasagna sounded yummy to me, along with this new french bread recipe I've been wanting to try. A salad? Yep, we had everything I needed, so Lasagna it was. Except that I rarely buy actual Lasagna noodles just because the other noodles (usually macaroni & spaghetti) are cheaper. So I made sort of an improvised Lasagna with macaroni noodles instead - kids like those, anyway.

I looked in the freezer and hmmmm there was plenty of ground beef, but it was all frozen in the big family sized 3.5 pound blocks. That's okay, I'll just thaw it out and cook it and then put them in 1 lb Zip-Lock baggies for later use. But then I thought hey! I have these disposable foil cake pans with lids that I bought a long time ago when alot of moms in our church were having babies - we like to bring meals to them. So instead of putting that ground beef in baggies, I proceeded to make not one, not two, but THREE 9x13 pans of the Lasagna dinners!

It really was very simple to just triple the recipe and line them up, doing them all at the same time. Might as well do 3 scoops of cottage cheese if I've already got it out and am already scooping anyway. LOL. So now I'm feeling quite domestic and happy that I have two already made dinners in my freezer for whenever they're needed. The french bread is easy enough to just pop in the bread machine, and I usually have lettuce/tomatoes/cheese/carrots on hand for a nice salad.

Kewl. I think I might just do this a bit more often!

I thought about my favorite whole wheat bread recipe too, the one that calls for ground flax (I grind my own) and wheat bran (I've got a big box of Bran Flakes I've been grinding). It's a bit of a pain to haul out all the ingredients - even though it's pretty easy to actually make, mostly done in the bread machine. Hmmmm. Wheels turning again. Why not, when I've already got all the ingredients out, make up 2-3 Zip-Lock baggies with the dry ingredients, so I can just add the liquid real quick in the bread machine? That'd make an 8-minute procedure into like, a 2 minute procedure.

I also found this site that talks about "Dump Chicken". Kind of interesting! Here's what they have to say about it:

What is Dump Chicken?

Dump chicken is one of the easiest forms of Freezer cooking! The idea is VERY simple, do NOT over think it. You take raw (never frozen) OR Frozen chicken pieces, toss them into a One Gallon Freezer Bag, then toss in the sauce and freeze flat. The key is never RE-FREEZE Raw chicken. Then thaw the chicken and cook! You can bake it, roast it, crock pot it, grill... and maybe microwave it? I have never gotten a bad review on my dump chicken (just on my website! HA!)

All the recipies can be made with 4-8 pieces of chicken (any pieces will do... wings, thighs, drumsticks, bone-in, skin-on, bonelss, skinless, maybe even whole chicken), we use 5 boneless/skinless chicken breasts to keep it healthier. To cook the chicken, thaw completely in the fridge, dump into 9x12" pan, bake at 350 until done. For BL/SL breasts it is about 25-35 minutes. For chicken pieces, it runs closer to an hour. Enjoy!

I never really paid attention to this type of thing because of our limited freezer space. But oooo now it opens up a whole new world! Have you ever tried it?

P.S. The kids loved the lasagna, and after setting aside one serving for DH's lunch tomorrow, there was only one piece of the 9x13 pan left! And that's without me eating any. Yay!

The Family Meal Table

I'm excited to be starting a new blog soon, featuring the recipes that our family loves and uses often. Right now the only thing I have holding my recipes together is this flimsy little photo album given to me when I got married 12 years ago by my Grandma who died last summer. She was always considered the best cook in our family, and my Dad grew up with lots of yummy snacks ready when he got home from school. She used to tell me that she'd lie awake at night dreaming of the things she wanted to make the next day.

When I was newly married and even into years 6-9, I would think she was a bit overboard. Cooking and baking for me was more of a chore and I sort of dreaded it. Dreaded the time, dreaded the dinners without DH when he had to work late, dreaded the complaints, dreaded not knowing what to cook at 5pm and knowing DH was coming home soon, dreaded the mess! Yes, I was one big dread, lol.

Then I read "The Family Meal Table and Hospitality".

This book totally, and I mean TOTALLY changed my outlook on things.

Suddenly, the dinner table became a place where I could show my love to my family. It became a place not only of nourishment, but where we come together to share about our day and to enjoy one another's company. I shared this vision with my husband a little bit, but mostly prayed about it and asked God to change my heart. Wow, did He ever! And not only that, He also worked in my husband's heart and he without my saying anything has started to really work with them about issues of life as well as talking about God's Word. My eyes were opened to the huge potential there is to teach them in a very natural and fun way, when they are all sitting there with their eyes & ears willing and open to hearing whatever we have to say.

Now my entire day is centered around our family meal each evening. I try to start dinner earlier in the morning so that it can be finished and warming by the time dinner rolls around. Especially now that it's dark shortly after dinner time, it's getting more & more cozy and a special time for us. Um....yeah, well, even if the children don't always think so, lol. In the past they've always chowed down on their food and bolted from the table to go do whatever it is they were doing before dinner. Our new rule is that they share something about their day that was special, and everyone has to listen. This gives them 100% attention from both Mom & Dad, and also teaches the siblings how to listen. They also have to sit at the table until Dad is finished eating and/or telling his story or whatever he's talking about.

Dinner is now my favorite time of day! I am looking forward to making dinners more healthy and even more delicious - substituting applesauce for butter and honey for sugar in alot of the baking recipes. I'm not a total health nut (er...well, besides my own crazy raw vegan thing!), but I am definitely much more conscious of the ingredients I use and try to make at least 2 meals per week that are meat-free. That kind of thing.

I take careful note of their reactions to the meals. If there are lots of complaints and "I hate this dinner, this is THE yuckiest dinner I've ever had!" sort of thing (and yes, what a wonderful opportunity to also teach them about thankfulness for the person who worked hard to make the meal and good manners!), then I throw the recipe away and never use it again UNLESS DH loves it. Then I'll make it again and the children can just learn to like it. He is the King of our home and his opinion matters the most.

If they love it, or at least the majority like it, then into the "keep" photo album from my Grandma it goes. I now realize that she also carried that same vision in her heart, to make the family meal table one of fond memories the children carry with them for the rest of their lives.

So my new blog will be my new recipe box! I'm going to type up all our favorite recipes and store them by index so that I can have a collection to refer to when I'm wondering what to make for dinner instead of a hodge-podge of stained papers that are all wrinkled and hard to find. Fun!

Lots of posts in my head...

...seriously, I think I write about 10 posts every single day, but they're just in my head. No time! This morning I obvserved my 5 year old daughter being quite the drama queen about what she wanted to wear to school. Bing! Another post. About how it's been a long time since I've had to deal with that sort of issue, seeing as my next oldest daughter is 10 going on 15. The only time I have to talk to her about what she wears is when it's immodest, but for the most part she does really well and gets herself up & dressed, fed, and out the door all by herself.

Next after that I have 2 boys ages 8 & 7 - they are sooooooo easy in that regard! They of course love shirts with spiders or bats or jack-o-lanterns or transformers - but I also buy them any shirt that is a good deal and looks nice, including those with themes they're not interested in like baseball, shirts with GAP on them, etc. But they raise no fuss whatsoever when I lay out their clothes for them in the morning. All they want is "Mom, can you get me a shirt?" (cuz usually the laundry is on the couch - yeah, I'm normal!). Then they're happy.

But Grace? Ooooooh, boy. She already is a drama queen about stuff, no matter what it is - that girl can turn her little attitude on & off like a switch, it's so weird. "I hate, HATE, HATE that Highschool Musical shirt!" she said this morning. Crosses her arms in front of her, her eyes glaring and her mouth in a tight little scrunch.

We got over it, because I happened to be also letting her wear her new school shoes today since it's the first coldish day we've had. She turned it off like it had never happened, eyes dancing, "Oh, thank you Mommy! I looooooove you, Mommy!!". Yeah, sweetie....love you too. =) I decided it's better to talk with her the night before about what she's going to wear so there are no conflicts in the morning - it's already chaotic enough.

The key is for ME not to come out of rest during this. That is what I've thought about alot. Like last night, Rachel (11) goes to bed at 9:30 and I was soooo tired, I'd been going a million miles per hour for most of the day. She had this nit-picking attitude going on, picking on her little brother and when I asked her things she would reply with that "I know much, MUCH more than you, Mom" sort of tone. I finally told her she needed to just go to bed, because I needed it to be quiet and she was getting annoying. Yes, I said that! Ouch.

Later as I reflect....first, I never want my children to feel like they're annoying to me!! That is so not the way to make them feel loved. No matter what I'm feeling like, it is my heart's desire to not let any irritation come out so that they can only experience joy & love coming from me. That I LOVE to be with them. That I LOVE the quiet time we can have at night together - those have been my thoughts today. My time is not my time - yes, it is good to have alone time sometimes, but the ministry that God has given me right here, right NOW in my life is to be a sacrifice for them. And in that, I am so happy! And not so happy when I'm being selfish with my "ME" time.

I'm so silly...!

I kind of grundged (is that a word? Well, it seems to fit) through the morning today, really tired from another sleepless night and kind of hung out on the computer, taking care of the needs around me but not working on much else. Actually I held the baby most of the morning too, does that count?

Anyway, I started to surf blogs as I was eating lunch and got really inspired to get off my duff and really do my homemaking duties with joy and not get stressed out (thus burying my head in the sand and pretending like I didn't have any work to do all morning!) but just dive in and start somewhere.

Harmony & I unloaded the dishwasher, cleared the counters, were generally picking up things when I realized it was getting late. So I quickly threw together some zucchini bread together and calculated that it would be perfect timing - ready right when we got home from getting the kids at school. I put Harmony in her carseat where she cried herself to sleep (as usual, but I checked on her every 5-10 min and put her binky back in which she spit right out!) which freed up my arms to do the dishwasher. I was hurrying as fast as I could so the load would be done and unloaded in time for the dinner dishes. I knew if I waited until after school the busy-ness would catch up to me and delay it too long.

3:00, 3:05 I was putting the last dish in and quickly gathering up the kids to put in the car. I woke up Jack and carried him to the car - Grace (5) was dawdling and I was impatiently trying to herd her into the car. The boys are usually waiting for me and wondering where I am if I'm any later than 3:10 and it takes about 5 minutes to get into the parking lot where they're waiting.

I got in the car somewhat frazzled but we were there....and looked at the clock. No, that can't be right! Can it? Is it really 2:10?? TWO ten? I hopped out of the car and ran in the house - sure enough, all the clocks also confirmed this. Aaaaaaaahhh I felt so dumb!

So I quickly brought Jack back in to his bed (poor guy was all shaky and had woken up from a deep sleep) with a bottle and hoped he'd go back to sleep. Harmony was also stirring and I tiptoed back into my room and left her in the carseat so she could just continue to sleep in there.

HA HA!! I had a good chuckle out of it - that's a first for me!! And now I have another hour - yay!

Harmony's 85% Raw AMAZING Birth Story!

Here you go! And very, very long. LOL!

RAVE Turns into McDougal!

So the RAVE diet is very similar to the Dr. John McDougal diet, and I'm going to be following that instead, since it has a HUGE forum/support system in place and also lots & lots of books, DVD's, etc. I have found in the past that if I want to stick to something I MUST seek out others who are doing the same and learn as much as I can from them. Ask questions, encourage each other through the hard times, etc. It is absolutely imperative - as far as my track record goes, anyway.

I was so thrilled when I learned about the John McDougal site! He has a program that is also plant based, and another program within that program for those who want to lose weight faster. That would be me! I was concerned about the breads that were allowed on RAVE, knowing that for me personally, those are always what bring my weight loss to a standstill. On the Lose Weight Faster side of his diet, those are not allowed - which makes much more sense to me. So it's basically a half raw-half cooked diet but the things that are allowed that are cooked, are very healthy and low calorie/low fat/high carb. We'll see how it goes!

So far it is going great! At least, it seems pretty easy to stick to it because I don't feel deprived. If I want to have chocolate cake, I have all the things I need (including whole wheat pastry flour, thanks to DH!) to make a yummy, healthy version if I really want to. Basically my days look like this:

Breakfast: 2 cups Oatmeal with almond milk, raisins and/or blueberries
Snack: 2 Bananas or juiced vegetables
Lunch: Potato, with yellow or green veggies (steamed broccoli, or salad, or green smoothie)
Snack: Watermelon
Dinner: Brown Rice or Potato, with yellow or green veggies (steamed broccoli, or salad, or green smoothie)
Snack: Leftovers from dinner

I LOVE that I'm getting alot more greens/veggies in my diet and I also love that I am able to include cooked food but it's healthy for me. I plan to incorporate alot more soups and stir-fries with rice when the weather gets more cool - for right now I'm trying to keep it simple and learn this new way of eating.

I had DH get a bunch of Millet and Quinoa (both whole grains, similar to rice), lentils, and split peas at the store yesterday. I'm excited to see how this goes for me, especially with the fall weather coming and the comfort of warm, homemade soups. I LOVE LOVE LOVE yummy, warm, rich vegetable stews and soups. The absence of oils or fats of any kind as per this diet, won't bother me in the least in those soups...yes, I'll miss my bread but I can also pour the soup over a potato and/or rice and it'll be a complete, nourishing meal.

My long term plan is to 1) see if this works for me, if I am able to lose weight on it and 2) learn it very well and then introduce DH to this way of eating. He has told me before that if I were to make the food for him, he would totally diet, even raw food, but that was too much for me to think about in the past. Too much on my plate. But with the cooked foods mixed with green smoothies and big salads which he loves, I think it'd work! Plus, he's not really a breads sort of guy....he doesn't really care, as long as it tastes good and it's filling. So I've got high hopes for this new chapter in our lives!

I Love Mondays! (and 2 month PostPartum update)

Ah...a fresh start to a brand new week! Never mind that the laundry is piled on the couch, the dishes are piled in the sink, the kids need baths, and I severely sprained my toe so I'm hobbling around. IT'S MONDAY!! Weekends always find us getting off of our weekly schedule - I mean, who would want to get up at 7am when they can snuggle with DH and basically just hang out in the big king size bed with various kiddos and their blankies for a few hours? But as much as I like the leisurely, sometimes "lazy" weekends - I do so love my Mondays when I can whip things back into shape, start a savory dinner in the crockpot, catch up on my favorite blogs, and renew my determination to stick to my diet and exercise for yet another week.

Harmony, Harmony, Harmony.....what shall we do with you, child? I think looking back, I will be like wow, she really was a handful as a newborn! But right now, while I'm in it, I can't think that because then I will dispair, thinking how I just can't handle this right now! But I have to keep my head up, always hoping that today, tonight, tomorrow will be a better day and in the meantime, enjoying the moments as they come *today* and right now.

Nursing is going really interesting. I can see with my own eyes that she is growing, she has lots of wet diapers and poops about once per day now - so I know that she is getting nourished and thriving, although still pretty skinny with little rolls to speak of except for some kissably fat(ish) cheeks and a cute little double chin. But when she nurses, it's so weird - I start her always on the left side because she does NOT like that side for some reason. If I ever end with that side she'll completely refuse it. So she nurses for seriously, 2 minutes on that side. Then on to the other one where she'll nurse about 5-8 minutes or so. She is a very fast nurser, sits up, is done, and sometimes (but rarely) will burp and then fuss until I put her back on where she finishes up for about another minute. I'm faithfully taking my Mother's Milk Tea 3x per day, also Fenugreek 4 tablets 3x per day, and the Postpartum multivitamins 2x per day.

Last night, though, was another rough one. She is such a listless sleeper at night, dozing for 20 min or so, then waking up fussing. It seemed like she was hungry, since at about 1.5 hours after her previous feeding she would nurse hungrily again. After doing that until 3am, I was so tired and I knew she needed something more - so I gave her some formula and she drank 3oz. then promptly fell into a deep sleep and slept until 7am! So I don't know - I feel like I'm doing everything I can to continue breastfeeding and I DO want to, but we'll see. This is dragging on and on, and the sleepless nights (Saturday night she finally went to sleep at 5am after dozing on & off, plus I had to let her cry in the other room while I slept for a bit - I didn't know what else to do!) are really wearing me down.

I have such a huge responsibility here....but then, so did so many mothers especially in the past. How did they do it, those Moms who lived on hundreds of acres and had big families and had to do everything by hand in the old days? I'm assuming babies are mostly the same - I guess you just survive, then look back and think, "How did I do that?".

I'm going to post this now and then write about my diet in a separate post.

Lost 3 lbs already....

I was surprised and happy to see that the scale was already down 3lbs from yesterday's RAVE diet day. I don't expect that to be the norm, it was basically because my body was shedding the extra lbs from the previous days of eating lots of junk. So I went from 148 to 145 this morning.

That was really interesting for me to see, because yesterday I had that cooked meal of 2 ww tortillas, corn, beans, and salsa. I struggled with guilt over that because I wanted to be 100% good on my diet yesterday (which I was according to RAVE) and since I'm such an all or nothing type of person, it was kind of hard to keep that mindset that I WAS 100% good even though I was not 100% raw.

This morning I made myself such yummy oatmeal cereal! I think I actually ate to much, I'll have to do better next time. It consisted of 2 c. rolled oats cooked in 2.5 c. almond milk with 1.5 T. pure raw maple syrup, sprinkle of cinnamon, and handful of raisins. It was thick and chunky like I love it, and I think I only ate like 1 cup before I was totally TOO full. I've also been told that oatmeal helps with your breastmilk supply, and that it is really filling. We'll see how long it holds me through today.

I haven't been able to exercise yet - yesterday DH went wakeboarding after work with the guys and came home at around 10pm. It was pretty stressful and crazy with all the kids by myself but we did it, I really struggled to remain in rest. It's funny how you can have these plans and in the midst of them, thinking you're such a good Mom and blah blah blah, then all of a sudden everything goes wrong and you end up getting upset at the kids and then the whole idea goes to pot. LOL!

The boys have been really into the Magic Tree House books, so James wanted me to read the one that he checked out from the library at school. Usually we put the little ones to bed, then get cozy in my bed for some "Mommy & James time" as he puts it, sometimes with a few of the other older children listening too. Since it's been getting darker earlier I called them in from playing outside at about 7pm - their bedtime is 8pm. I told them if they got their pajamas on then we could have popcorn and sit around the table reading the book. They were really excited and got all ready.

Problem was, the little ones were still up - Jack is just 21 months and he kept climbing ON the table and getting into everyone's popcorn. I tried to give him his own, but he spilled it and/or didn't want it because it wasn't a BIG bowl like theirs. Then Harmony woke up and was crying, so I had to nurse her but they were all sitting at the table waiting for me...so I nursed her there. But I couldn't hold the book, so I had someone else hold it for me but they kept moving the book so I couldn't read very well, then Jack got ON the table and spilled the little vase of flowers with water in it...and then Marie (3) decided to dump her water into the bowl of popcorn to see what would happen.

All the while, James is getting frustrated because of the little kids and wanting me to read the book. Harmony is still not nursing THAT great, so she kept pulling away and crying and I was just getting really overwhelmed! And started getting upset at them, I was so tired....DH was gone and I still had the big task of getting them all in bed ahead of me.

It's funny how you look back and are just like wow, I can't believe I was so out of rest about that! How dumb! But in the moment, you just WANT that picture-perfect moment with them and it's rarely how you think it'll be, lol.

Anyway, my point was that I didn't get to exercise last night, although I was tempted to just go running at 11pm. Just to be hardcore, to really make this work, to be able to say that "I did it" and exercised 5 days a week! Tonight is a church picnic so I most likely won't get to go then either. That leaves the weekend which I need to be diligent to go - I have no excuse for not going on the weekends, when DH is home most of the day.

This post got really long and I have a million other things to do, but I plan to come back and update on what I ate to hold me accountable. Ice cream and popcorn have had a small pull on me yesterday and this morning but I was able to firmly say NO and that was that! One thing is for sure, the LAST thing I feel like doing right now is eating, with this oatmeal making my tummy full. I love that feeling!

Food eaten today:

2 bowls of oatmeal w/maple syrup, cinnamon, raisins, almond milk
big plate full of steamed broccoli
1 potato w/lots of herbs
1/2 a banana
smoothie with big bunch of spinach, 1 banana, 1 pear, 2 T. ground flax and 1 T. of green powder (spirulina, chlorella, etc)

I'm thrilled with how my diet went today - I really enjoyed the oatmeal ALOT and it kept me full for almost 2 hours. Not enough raw, though - I'd like to see my breakfast start out with either fruit OR juiced veggies and then possibly a bowl of oatmeal, just one though. More raw and/or greens - but not bad for my 2nd day of eating healthy! =)

The R.A.V.E Diet - my new thing =)

In my last post, I wrote that I was really excited about being 100% raw and had been for 3 days! Yeah, that was awesome and I felt so great! But not very long lived. I did a challenge with my friend for 3 days which held me accountable, and on the 4the day it was just too easy to give in. I really fell off the wagon, so to speak - and proceeded to eat really badly for 3 days in a row. Mostly bad stuff, hardly any raw at all. The more I ate, the worse I felt about myself and it was so frustrating that while I really wanted to eat healthy, I just sabotaged myself!

So then, the other day, a friend of mine sent me a link to a guy who talked about eating low-fat vegan - emphasizing the raw fruits & vegetables, but also eating cooked low-fat vegan. I felt really hopeful because....I have to be realistic.

While I KNOW that eating raw is 100% the best and what I hope to strive to, after 3+ years of struggling I'm trying to really take a look at my life and what is REAL for me. It is not realistic for me to assume that I can be 100%, since all I've done is struggle after it for years...and always going to the other side of the ditch, as in, eating big bowls of ice cream and popcorn and just JUNK for 2-3 days, then going 100% raw for 2-3 days and repeating that cycle. I know this can change, I mean, I HAVE gone 85 days 100% and also 45 days...I can do it. But for right now, the swinging from one extreme to the other is really unhealthy and during this turbulent time of adjusting to another baby, I just don't have the hard-core in me right now.


What is the RAVE diet? It stands for:

No Refined Products
No Animal Products
No Vegetable Oils
No Exceptions + Exercise

Basically it is a vegan whole foods lifestyle. It is an old-fashioned, plant-based, whole foods diet based exclusively on whole fruits, whole vegetables and whole grains. The only thing that confuses me a little bit is that I'm used to eating whatever I want, however much I want, as long as it's raw. But I don't think that's okay when it comes to eating things on the RAVE, even though they're okay. Like eating 4 whole wheat rolls at dinner time doesn't really seem like it'll help weight loss, lol.

Today so far I have been hungry just because I am bored with the raw food I have and don't want to take the time to make anything. So I had like maybe 2 cups of watermelon for breakfast, then 1 banana a little later, then 2 apples for snack. Then I had 2 whole wheat tortillas stuffed with pinto beans, salsa, and corn with tobasco sauce. I plan to incorporate as much of eating raw as I can, but also make some yummy things that are *ok* because they don't included sugar, dairy, meat, and refined stuff.

I'm still looking into it, I have the book and have had it for years, but always kind of ignored it since I was always striving to be raw. I'm excited about this and plan to give it at least 3 weeks to see how I feel and if the weight comes off. He recommends exercising at least 30 min every day, or 45 min. 5x per week which is what I already try to do. So that fits well.

I'm having a hard time being 100% on the RAVE without feeling guilty and/or like I'm sabotoging myself when I eat whole wheat stuff, especially the breads, tortillas, etc. But at the same time, I have to realize that these things (in moderation, meaning NORMAL people amounts, not 6 of them!) are sooooo much healthier than popcorn doused in butter, salt, garlic, and parmesan cheese! And of course much healthier than tons of ice cream doused in fatty cheap peanut butter (my vice lately!).

Also - WAKE UP CALL. I weighed in at 148 this morning! OUCH OUCH OUCH - I've been steadily at 144 for the past 3-4 weeks on an 85% or so raw diet, even down to 141 when I was 100% for a few days. I know that my body GAINS like crazy when I eat the sweets, like 10lbs in ONE MONTH from eating brownies every day after baby #5!

Last night I went shopping, DH told me to go do something while he watched the kids after dinner. =) So I went to Old Navy, and it was really stressful actually! I had no idea what size I wore - everything I have is pretty much stretched out and/or maternity....and the things from last summer that seem to be a size to small are like size 4. So I assumed maybe I am a size 6? Nope, how about a solid size EIGHT. I was dead tired (but glad for the break) and after trying on the shirts that make me look all lumpy with big boobs (for me) and squishy tummy, the size 6 pants that looked ridiculous.......I ended up walking out of the store with exactly nothing. I felt pretty disheartened - I think because I don't have a full-length mirror so I guess I was sort of going on how I "felt" that I looked.

Oh well, life is too short to dwell on that type of thing - I mean, I did just have a baby 8 weeks ago. So no worries but my point is that it kind of motivated me to get my butt in gear and start running more, and start eating much better. I just don't want Christmas to come and I'm sitting there wishing I'd done more. Christmas is my goal to be back in the size I was last summer, size 4.

Today is day #1 - Jen, want to do another challenge? =) I'm up to it now, I think, with this newer way of eating...a little more freedom.

Eating Raw & I'm Getting Excited!

I'm currently quite excited about being 100% raw again. Basically the last week I ran 3 days in a row (40 min powerwalking/sprinting 7x) and have been *trying* to stay as raw as possible but the more ice-cream & garlic parmesan popcorn I ate, the more I wanted more. LOL! So yesterday morning was the last straw when I ate a good sized piece of vanilla chocolate chip cake, and then proceeded to have two big bowls full of ice-cream with lots of peanut butter added (my new thing lately!).

I had that for BREAKFAST! Which is really rare for me - but we were out of bananas and watermelon, my two "grab and eat" emergency foods when I'm super hungry and Do. Not. Feel. Like. making anything or even eating raw, for that matter. It's hard because I am breastfeeding so I know I need nourishment but when I eat food that is SO bad for me like that, all I want to do (naturally, my body tells me I am NOT hungry) is fast for the rest of the day! Or at least, until I feel hungry again. So I basically fasted until about 3pm when I had a bite of an apple, but then still didn't eat anything (I was really busy with dinner) until about 5pm when I downed 32 oz. of freshly juiced vegetables: carrots, beets & greens, celery, and zucchini. Later I had about 8 dates and 2 bananas, and that was it for the day.

But anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because yesterday I texted Jen and asked if she wanted to do a weekend challenge to be 100% on our diets. We're both trying to lose about 15 lbs but are each doing our own diet - still trying to be 100% at it, though. So it worked! I got out of my week-long sugar/popcorn funk as of yesterday, and have now been 100% raw for over 24 hours. You have to celebrate small successes!

I'm really proud of myself because we still have ice cream in the freezer and I am not eating it, and I also have a big bag full of Molasses Crinkle Cookies I made for the kids after school yesterday that I have not eaten ONE of. Hurray!

So today I am scouting out new recipes to make - currently, here is what I eat on a regular basis when I am raw (plus other random fruit, but these are the regulars):

Bananas
Watermelon
Chocolate Avocado Coconut Pudding
32oz. of juiced veggies (any or all of these: carrots, beets & greens, celery, cucumber, green beans, tomatoes, apples, and zucchini)
Mother's Milk Tea + Postpartum vitamins, fish oil, and fenugreek

Now I'm going to add in some fun recipes - these are what have kept me raw for long periods of time in the past. I just have to be careful because one recipe can cost as much as $65! So I have to go simple, especially using the staples that I already have. Here are the things I pulled out of my big recipe binder that I want to make within the next 24 hours (we're currently in the middle of a 2-day conference at our church so it's a bit busier than normal):

Chocolate Almond Butter Oatmeal Cookies
Veggie Herb Pizza Crust with Rich Cheddar Sauce and piled high with my favorite veggies
Nini's Cheesy Sweet Potato Chips
Veggies Marinated in Orange Sesame Sauce

While these "meals" are not going to necessarily keep me full all day, lol, they are fun to make and offer a little more variety than the fruit mono-meals I've been eating. I also LOVE zucchini slices sprinkled in herbs and parmesan and broiled in the oven. So I'm going to see if I can come up with a raw comparison in the dehydrator, using nutrional yeast instead of parmesan.

NURSING - aaaack!!! I am having such a hard time with it since last night and today! After going to my doctor's appointment, she said it sounded like Harmony is hungry alot of the time - and I agree with her, the way she cries after I've fed her. But there is also the problem of the left breast, for some reason she refuses to empty it, even though there is obviously more milk. She nurses more contentedly on the right side, emptying it completely. So I start her on the left every time, otherwise she'd just refuse to nurse hardly at all on that side. It's becoming so painful to nurse her on that side because she pulls away so much, she just doesn't like it!

But anyway, my point is that after the appointment (she has gained though, and is growing so she's doing good in that regard) I received my vitamins from UPS in the afternoon and started in on all my supplements. So this is my regime - and I could already tell there was more milk within 24 hours:

2 cups Mother's Milk Tea 3x a day
4 tablets Fenugreek 3x a day
1 fish oil 2x a day
3 PostNatal Vitamins 2x a day

Today, though, I ended up having DH take the four older ones to our church conference. I didn't get much sleep last night and the thought of nursing makes me stiffen at the pain it brings nursing on my left side with that almost cracked nipple. I am smothering it in cream which always heals, I just have to be consistent. And trying to nurse her in another place just adds to the stress so...hopefully I can settle things down a bit through the first half of this day at least, because I really want to go tonight.

I'm off to start soaking some buckwheat for the pizza crust! =)

Nursing not going well...

I know this seems to happen with every baby. And it seems like with every baby, it concerns me just as much and I get just as worried. And it turns out fine! But I also know that each baby is different so...

I ran out of my postnatal nutrition pills - the ones that are really good quality, costing about $35 per 1 month of supply. I also broke my tea maker so stopped doing the Mommy's milk tea, and also slacked off on Fenugreek and Cod Liver Oil. Goes to show - don't take those things for granted!

But now Harmony is doing this frustrating thing where she won't drink all the milk! I KNOW there is more in there, I can feel it, but she pulls away and cries & cries. She is no longer content and gets all stiff and jerky moves while crying. My nipples are also getting really sore from her doing that, which doesn't help things much. So she doesn't drain them, but stops crying with a pacifier at least (but continues to suck and then pull off with milk dripping everywhere if I put her back on) and then falls into a fitful sleep, often waking after 30 minutes or 45 minutes.

This is not good timing with back to school because I am so tired after her doing that most of the night! She seems to do that until about 3am, and then sleeps okay until about 6am or 7am at which time I have to wake her up anyway to nurse so she won't be crying & hungry while I'm getting the kids ready. She sleeps pretty well most of the day, but then around dinner time the fussiness starts again. She's pretty happy when I'm holding her, at least that is good. Doesn't like the Ergo carrier at all, either.

What I just described sounds to me like a colicky baby, so I think I'm going to look at the health food store today for an herbal remedy. Last night I felt so bad, but I was getting almost irrational I was SO tired. To the point where I needed to be separated from her in order to keep my sanity. So I made sure she was changed, her tummy was as full as she would let it be, and that she was tired - she hadn't slept for quite a while. Then I laid her on the couch in the living room making sure she was safe, and left her there while I slept for a while in my room. Yes, she cried...when I came back she was all sweaty and hadn't slept a wink. My heart about broke seeing that she'd been crying so much, and with the frustration of it all! I don't know what to do! Mom's are supposed to be able to calm their babies, they're that ONE person that the baby knows and is always happy to see. I'm tearing up now as I write this (but then, I cry about everything these days, lol!) - I hate to see her like this.

I did give her formula the other night after she had truly drained my milk and seemed to be still hungry. She drank another 3oz. of the formula, but then that was when it started, the staying up late and crying and crying. It really was like her tummy hurt, the way she'd fall into a fitful sleep and then squirm and jerk awake crying like something was hurting her.

Today I have to take the four younger ones to the store to get more school supplies that we missed, some groceries, and things for Isaac's birthday tonight. He's turning 7 and is soooo excited because his birthday falls at the end of the summer - all the other kids have birthdays in April, May, June, and July so he's been waiting a long time. Then I have a doctor's appointment at 4pm which I am so so so tempted to cancel. It's Harmony's 6 week checkup, though - and I need to have her weighed and make sure she's doing okay. But I'm so exhausted, and really don't even know how I'm going to get through this day. I've already been short with the kids and I hate that! I don't want to be that Mommy....! I finally just picked up Jack (21m) and put him in his bed for a little while.

Tonight he has requested broccoli chicken casserole and whole wheat rolls which he loves, and a cake with a transformer on it, lol. Fortunately he wants a REAL transformer on top, not just decoration, so that makes it a little less costly. Then at 7pm we'll have his party - not many people are coming so that makes it less work for me, but it's still another "thing" that must be done today.

Yesterday DH called to ask how I was doing and I almost started crying, it's just been so overwhelming! I was trying to make dinner and the kids were in the front yard while I was doing that, playing with the hose and making rivers all in of his nice flower beds getting barkdust all over the sidewalk and driveway. AND getting muddy and wet. Of course, once chastised, Isaac informed me that it was my fault because I was making dinner and wasn't watching them. Ha ha, nice try little buddy. =0 I thought that was funny.

I read this on a new blog I found and it was so good to be reminded. She has a 4 week old and 3 other little girls, and wrote a post about not looking back into the past and how it used to be. Here is her post.

7 Weeks ~ Musings about Postpartum Body

It's strangely quiet around here right now! There is a BBQ potluck out at our church for the afternoon, and DH got ambitious and took ALL SIX of the older children! Wow - I am impressed, he usually takes the older four and maybe the 3 year old. She's not potty trained all the way yet, so he usually tells her that when she learns how to go potty on the toilet all the time, she can go. Little Jack is so cute, he just waves goodbye to them every time, content with his lot in life to stay with Mommy right now.

But Jack and DH are BEST buds, it's so cute, we've never had such a Daddy's boy before. Daddy makes EVERYTHING better, and he'll follow him around all day if he could. Big cheers are heard from Jack when Daddy walks through the door after a long day of work! So today, DH decided at the last minute to take him too. You should've seen his big blue eyes sparkle with excitement! "Bye-bye, I Bye-bye!" he kept saying as he followed the big kids down the sidewalk and into the car. So so so cute! Harmony and I are staying home today because she has a cold and it's been on the chilly side here today, raining off & on.

So here's what I get to work on:



That's not all of it - here's what I already got done today during naptime (and was hoping when Jack woke up that he wouldn't demolish it, lol!).



So I've been thinking about body after baby. I think that for me personally, the whole idea of fitting into my clothes after the baby is just a pipe dream. But not for the reasons you're thinking. For a while now, I've been frustrated that my skirts and cute capris, shorts, jeans, etc from pre-pregnancy don't fit. They're just like 1 size too small, and some of them are *almost* okay but truly would not be modest in public; just too tight in the wrong places. My shirts fit me okay but just not the bottoms.

What I realized is that my HIPS are actually different. As in, the actual size of them - and it's not really because I have more fat. I do have 15lbs left to lose so yeah, there is some of that - but I am definitely more curvy in that area than ever before. I have a different body shape! I remember noticing this after Jack, too. So it's not so much that I have to lose the weight and WHY.IS.IT.NOT.COMING.OFF - but it's more like my body has changed for right now, so go with it, woman!

So I talked to DH and I am going to go shopping. Not hardcore $500 spending bash or anything like that, but I am no longer going to be dressed in stretchy yoga pants or when it's too hot, wear fancy skirts around the house just because I don't have anything else! No more shirts that are TOO short and don't cover up the squishy belly when I bend over, lol. I'm not going to wait around until I lose the weight to have a decent wardrobe again.

I'm excited because this is really freeing for me. I think that it is necessary to feel good about yourself and have a few nice outfits that you feel compliment your body as it is NOW, not "it's a little tight but will hopefully fit better in the next week/month when I lose the weight". Because it's just so depressing when that doesn't happen!

6 Weeks Update

Still hanging in there! Harmony is getting so cute, her features are starting to become like a little baby instead of that wrinkled little old man monkey look they have for the first few weeks. She is adorable and is starting to coo and smile sometimes, to the other kids' delight! (and mine =)

I'm still at that really weird place in my life where I am so overwhelmed I don't even know what to do. Like yesterday I was nursing in the living room, and I had told Marie like five times to go get another pullup AND the baby wipes and bring them to me so I could change her poopy pullup. So I look up and here she is coming down the hallway with the pullup AROUND HER ANKLES and yes, practically dripping poop, it was on the verge of getting ALL over.

Then when I was changing her (baby is crying cuz of being interrupted from nursing) here comes Jack from the little pool in the backyard carrying my Pectin box, all soggy that I had just bought at the store for $2.75 (a splurge for us, but worth it cuz I was going to make Jam!). I just kind of freaked out and started crying - everything was happening at once and I was so frustrated when I saw that Pectin ruined. About an hour before that I had run into my room in tears to fall on my knees and cry out to God to help me and why was I crying? I didn't really even know, but just that everything was too much that I was going through. Or seemed to be too much.

But I'm realizing that this is just a stage in my life. Next week school will be starting and we'll get on a routine - for some reason it has been so hard for me to be without a schedule. I'm going to have four gone and three at home in the mornings, so hopefully I can get alot done by the time the children come home so I can spend time with them.

Weight-wise, it's been interesting! Here is what I have done so far exercise wise, and personally if I have another baby, here is a message to myself: "STOP thinking about losing your weight until at LEAST 2 months!!! It's too stressful!" That being said, lol:

2 Weeks - T-Tapp Primary Back Stretch
3 Weeks - Powerwalking 4x a week
4 Weeks - Interval Running 4x a week
5 Weeks - Weight lifting 4x a week, interval running 3x a week

So at 5 weeks I started this hardcore workout routine where I do weight lifting and 40 minute running/walking combo. I've been able to lose a little weight but not much - I am at 143 lbs now but I'm pretty sure I've gained muscle because in one week of doing this, I lost 3.75". so here's how it's gone:

End of Pregnancy Weight: 162
3 Days PP: 154, 8 lbs
4 Days PP: 152, 10 lbs
5 Days PP: 150, 12 lbs
6 Days PP: 149, 13 lbs
1 WEEK PP: 148, 14 lbs
8 Days PP: 147, 15 lbs
9 Days PP: 146, 16 lbs
2 WEEKS PP: 145, 17 lbs
6 WEEKS PP: 143, 15 lbs
~ 16 lbs left to reach my pre-pregnancy weight of 127!

The belly band, it's been interesting. Basically a friend & I were talking and we figured out that what it does, is helps your ab muscles stay sucked in. Once you take it off, like I did for a few days, it goes back - if you do so prematurely before the 40 days is up. So my stomach went down but now it's kind of normal again - I got so tired of wearing it and just wanted to be NORMAL again, as in not having this hot canvas around me all the time. Including in bed, not so condusive to cuddling, you know. =)

Nursing is still going well, I seem to have enough to satisfy Harmony but she is also staying very skinny and not gaining much weight. I weighed her on the scale the other day and she's still at 9lbs, at 6 weeks. This is what happens to all my babies so - we'll see. As long as she is pooping, peeing, and happy after eating then I'm not going to worry UNLESS she is definitely getting skinnier. I'm sort of slacking off on the postpartum vitamins, cod liver oil, and fenugreek, and tea so...yeah.

Healthy eating wise - I'm sticking mostly to raw and vegetables, with the occasional carb during the day. Like today I had a big bowl of Gypsy curry vegetable soup (made with chicken broth, but full of sweet potatoes, corn, green beans, black beans, onions, garlic, and bell peppers. With it I had 2 small slices of homemade herb bread. For breakfast I had 3 bananas and water. Then I'll eat raw the rest of the day or at least definitely after 7pm. This had seemed to work well for me - I have found that the days I eat 100% raw it's hard for me to eat enough and I don't lose. The days I eat a bit more normal food but keep it healthy (void of meat, dairy, and as much processed food as possible) I lose the weight the next day.

That's it for now! =)

PS Tereza, you'll be happy to know I found my very own Bumbo! I observed Tina using one at the pool this summer, and also asked her about it and both of you have only rave reviews. So I was garage saleing and of course, snatched one up when I saw it! It's blue and comes WITH a tray, in like new condition - marked at $15 and I talked her down to $12. Woohoo, can't wait to rescue it from it's lonely place in the garage and give it some use very soon! =)

5 Weeks...

So much for my 4 weeks, part 2 post that was supposed to come, LOL. I have been and am, so completely overwhelmed that I can't seem to find time to write on here! I want to, I NEED to write about everything for therapy LOL - but it's so crazy.....aaack! Right now my house is just sadly drooping for need of a good cleaning and I am torn in so many directions that I feel like I'm going crazy. Like I'm spinning in circles and while I know alot needs to get done, NOTHING is actually getting done!

Yesterday I woke up with Harmony at 6:15 and DH had planned to take the 4 older kids to the beach in time to catch the low tide at 9:15. We were almost out of milk for our standard breakfast of oatmeal so instead I got ambitious and didn't go back to sleep with the baby, but made french toast and homemade syrup (we were out of that too). So I worked hard (with BMM music playing!) all morning to get everyone up and fed, out the door with everything they needed.

I had alot planned in my mind to do, but not much got done even though I worked HARD the entire day! Not once did I actually "play" - I felt like I was dizzy from doing everything. It's weird that when you work hard to clean, take care of the kids, etc - you can look around at the end of the day and it seems like actually, not much got done at all. I try not to be disheartened, especially due to the many many posts I have read from different moms that this IS just how it is. The housework - it actually never really gets "all done". LOL. It's just a rinse, repeat, sort of cycle.

My weight is really depressing for me (teetering between 146/147) - I just never seem to be able to lose that postpartum baby weight when I'm nursing (still 20lbs to go). I hate it when I can't seem to control it, like nothing I do can make it budge. It seems to come off only when I do the master cleanse, AFTER I am done nursing. But I have been working hard exercising (T-tapp) the past 4 days in a row - and I feel really good about that. I can tell that I need those endorphines to give me that boost up & away from the baby blues. Now if I can just get the other half straightened out, the eating half.

It's been a real struggle for me because when I don't see results (inches or weight lost), I get very disheartened. I eat 100% raw all morning, and in the afternoon I seem to just fall apart and eat like 2 bagels, 4 cookies, etc. Then I get my act together and by dinner/evening time I'm all raw again. I stay away from meat but that's about it - ice cream and bread seem to be my major downfall right now. I know if I let myself go, REALLY let myself go, I'll gain 10lbs in a snap - it's happened before after I had baby #5 and ate brownies every day for like an entire month, lol.

I feel like this post isn't very encouraging, sorry about that. Sometimes I get tired of being all positive and only posting on here when things are hunky-dory. I want to be able to manage my home and it just seems like it's falling apart. I have so many littles but not THAT little - they should be able to help and they DO, but it's only when I make them that they help, you know? So it's easier not to, sometimes, and just let them be and do it myself. I wish I had a better chores system in place...but I keep telling myself that once school starts I'm going to REALLY work on a routine with them. That's in 2 1/2 weeks though. So in the meantime?? Hmmmm.

But then it never gets done because I finally get on a roll cleaning or whatever project I've decided to tackle and then oops, it's been 3 hours already since the baby nursed and she is crying. And oh no, I forgot to put dinner in the oven on time and oh my GOSH the bills! I forgot to do them, and they're due um...2 days ago. And the laundry, uh-oh, I put a load in the washer yesterday but forgot to transfer it to the dryer and now they're mildew-smelling. And there are MOUNTAINS of clothes in the garage, and in my room - mostly in tubs but also helter-skelter in several piles as well that need to be gone through to determine what exactly we have for fall/winter for the kids. And speaking of clothes, I have like 2 pairs of pants, 1 pair of shorts, 2 skirts, and 2 shirts that fit me. Or at least, that don't make me look retarded. And I'm so tired....so, so tired.....

And then there are computer needs - 124 emails waiting to be answered, my Halloween costume ebook waiting to be updated and marketed. And my online Ebay newsletter that should have been written and sent out at LEAST 3 weeks ago, and a 2nd one is already due. Can I just bury my head in the sand? Oh, wait. I've already been doing that...

PS after I wrote this, I decided to read up on how I felt after Jack was born. It's so cool to have those posts to refer back to! And right at 5 1/2 weeks I wrote that I had just gone through a really rough week with baby blues and that it was really overwhelming, etc etc. So I'm thinking, hoping anyway, that this is going to pass and I'll be refreshed and good as new in a week or so? I hope so.

And THEN I found this post! Granted, this is FOUR months postpartum (as opposed to 5 weeks right now!) but I saw some very awesome results weight-wise so...I'm seriously thinking about switching gears and doing that again. The 80-10-10 raw food (which is actually what I naturally eat like when I'm raw, I don't lean towards excessive fats at all) and the weight lifting workout. I'm excited about that idea, and I might do it, but I'm going to think about it a bit more first.

4 Week Postpartum Update, part 1.

Wow, time has flown by sooo fast, yet so very very slow. Is every postpartum and new baby so hard? Maybe I just forget, but it seems like this time has been so trying....so exhausting...so slow. I know I tell myself that if I can just make it to 4 weeks, that is when it starts getting easier. Is it really true? Will it ever get easier? Right now I'm feeling so discouraged, there is so much to do in my home and....and.....and I can hear your response now:

Sherah, stop having so many demands on yourself! Of course you're not supermom, of course you're not REQUIRED to have lost all your weight already and fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes, to have that perfectly clean house and to have a baby who sleeps through the night already, to have dinner on the table complete with at least 3 courses by 6pm, to be exercising and meeting all the needs of the children. Ugh. I need to really think about my priorities and LET GO of all of these dumb expectations I put on myself. I have a feeling no-one else expects that much of me!

Tereza, your words echo in my head often, letting me know that I am not alone in feeling overwhelmed AND not able to keep up on the house all the time OR get on a schedule and stick with it. Thank you for making me feel not so alone! =)

I think that, honestly? I just long for things to get back to normal. I want our nice family routine that we all thrive in, back. I want to be able to get up in the morning feeling rested, before the children awake and be able to complete my workout routine & shower before I start the day. I want to be able to go places and do things like I used to, without having a baby in tow who starts crying at the most inopportune times EVEN THOUGH I know she's not hungry and should be sleeping.

Sigh.

Well, I had a nice long post all planned out but...Harmony is crying and it's been 3 hours since she nursed last, so I better scoot. Time to settle in for a nice 40 minute cuddle time nursing my wee one, and remembering the finer things in life like relishing the softness of tiny newborn feet and the long sweeping eyelashes of sweet eyes that have a little piece of heaven in their innocence. The downy hair of a newborn's head and the little tiny fingers that clasp onto me as if her life depended on it. More later. =)