One of my secrets!

Hee hee - I was thinking about this today - I should blog about it, I thought. So I am. One of my secrets when I have everyone crying at once, or whining about the same thing over & over and I have TOLD them not to do that...that I am no longer listening....





.....I burst into song!


It's the funniest thing. There's got to be some kind of chemical reaction in our brains (and hearts!) that happens when we sing, because it immediately changes things for me. It doesn't matter WHAT song it is, as long as it is uplifting and encouraging - so usually not a country love song or something, lol. When I sing the songs written about God (from my church, usually) out loud it totally changes the atmosphere in my home and in my heart.

Sometimes it does change their moods, but most importantly it changes mine and puts my focus right back where it should be. Like today the thought occured to me that I am crazy for having this many kids, and I seriously can.not.handle.it. But when I started singing,

"There's only one God, He who liveth above, all glory and praise to His name!!! With all of my heart His commandments I love, and now I can boldly proclaim: GOD is the Lord, God is the Lord - I choose to hold fast to His word! My all I have laid on God's alter to stay, I've cast every idol away."

That's what I started singing today (the first random song that came to mind) and oh, how it filled my heart with thanks and praise to God for MY life! And it also came to me so strong that I am so blessed with my many children. They truly are blessings from God and I am thankful for them. I'm not crazy for having them so close together - God planned it that way, anyway.

So, just wanted to share my secret. It's not so easy to go into the bedroom and pray when I feel irritation coming on and need that extra dose of grace from Him. So if you come in the door and hear me belting out a particular loud song, lol, it's probably because I'm in the thick of it and using my secret. =)

I can't breathe!

Ever have days like this?! Oh my goodness, seriously, I feel like something is pulling me under water and I am struggling with all my might to stay above water but it's not working.

The children are home from school this week. That is, I have a 10 year old, 8 year old, 7 year old, 5 year old, 3 year old, 1 year old, and 4 month old. All wanting Mommy to do something for them, and why or what is taking so long???? Come ON already, Mom!

At the moment I am speaking of, I needed to:

1) help figure out how to make a friendship bracelet to a frustrated 10 year old girl

2) make lunch right NOW according to the 8 year old boy who was crying and hungry

3) help my 7 year old boy decorate his paper Christmas tree with glue and such for school

4) help my 5 year old tie a string on to her paper mask so she could wear it, and then a minute later, help her tie a ribbon around her waist so she could run & dance with it on

5) my 3 year old girl was standing beside me asking for some cheese cuz she was hungry, yet her cereal was sitting unfinished on the table

6) my 1 year old was standing on the other side of me with his blankie in hand, begging me to hold & cuddle him ---> he's been sick

and last but most certainly not least ~

7) my 4 month old girl was sitting in her Bumbo seat crying for me to do something...most likely feed her. Yet, when I fed her, she didn't want it...


....oh, what to do? Where to start? Sometimes I just tell them, guys, I seriously can NOT hear you when you all talk at once! Like I do have 2 ears, yes I know, but they honestly do not hear separate things at once, lol.

And the funny thing is, last night I went to bed (quite late, about 1am, due to the same little #7 darling who has a hard time settling in for the night) and had such high hopes for this day in regards to getting things done!

I know I desperately need to get on some type of schedule or something, but the thought of even putting it together overwhelms me so I don't, and then the day flies by and nothing gets done except oh yes, I do make dinner. =) And take a shower.

But anyways, here it is almost 2pm and the thing I have actually accomplished is to cook the black-eyed peas for dinner. The black beans are simmering, to be frozen for later use - that's good, right? Oh, and I DID make bracelets with DD, I DID help DS decorate his Christmas tree with black beans, and I DID make lunch (good thing). I also cuddled DS, I fed DD, and I helped tie on some twirly pink ribbon and fix DD's face mask. That took like, an hour!

So this is my life.

But guess what? I love it! YES I do feel like I can't breathe - but the thing with that, I've thought often, is that I'm forced to come to the end of my capable self. I am brought to my knees in my inability to do it all, and seeing my own weakness when it comes to be frustrated and unable to speak kindly to them when I so badly want to be that Mom! So I go to God in tears and He strengthens me, every time.

Above Rubies Retreat was....

...completely and utterly amazing! I recommend it for almost everyone. The reason why I say almost, is because being a Mother, and receiving as many children as God has for you (among other things) is pretty highly esteemed and rightly so. It's just that if there are those wishing to conceive and can't/haven't, or there is a divorce situation where life is not how a normal family should be, it might be hard.

The thing that really struck me, was that all denominations of Christians were represented there. I even noticed Mennonites. It didn't matter if you were baptist, methodist, or (I don't know what all the denominations are) anything else - we were all united in the one desire and heartfelt need to have Motherhood lifted up in our eyes. Not a drag, not a hardship - but such a wonderful thing that is blessed by God!

On Saturday night we had a really special time of prayer. Prayer circles, as we call them in our church. Different ones had different needs - there was prayer for the pregnant moms, prayer for those wanting to conceive, prayer for the moms with new babies, and prayer for each of our homes. We gathered in a big group and laid hands on those being prayed (or at least, the ones closest to them did) and it was a time that I personally was able to turn inward and really pray to Him.

I can't really explain it very good, but I came away feeling like I was so refreshed in my spirit. I felt such a burning need in my heart to press in to God and really fight for my family in the spirit world. Nancy Campbell told us that it isn't easy to train up a child in the way he should go, as it is written - it does take work! But oh, what fruit is born from that work! That was really good for me to hear, because yes it was all well and good hearing everything she had to share, and I wanted to do it - to train my children - but to understand that it's not going to be a matter of coming home and just "doing it".

I understood that it will take a death of my own self in my heart, a breaking of my own will to have it "just so". I need to be on my knees before Him with a broken and a contrite spirit, and He will meet me in my need especially when it comes to my children and the story we will personally write.

I met some really special people. Listening to them pray, I could hear their hearts and I don't know, it just brought tears to my eyes as I could see that I myself, need to have much more of a need to know God personally than I do. I love it when I am put in a place where I see people who are more zealous for God, more hungry for God's Word than I am, because it shows me where I need to be much more diligent and that I am getting "sleepy" like a foolish virgin.

I am definitely going to the Above Rubies in March if God (and my husband) allows it - and I would also love to bring more friends with me, especially my sister. Nancy Campbell really is special - she reminds me so much of the women written here in Titus 2:

1) But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: 2) that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3) the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4) that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5) to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

That verse is exactly and entirely what Above Rubies is about. She comes across with such a love for God and such a desire to help younger women - but not at ALL in an "I'm better than you" or lording it over you, attitude. She sat with me and some other women during one lunch, and it was fun to talk to her. She treats you as an equal and is interested in hearing about your family, how you do this or that. She truly has a love for people and reminds me very much of some of the older sisters in our church. Often when people would ask her questions, she would answer to the best of her ability and then turn to us for answers. "Does anyone have any experiences or help to add?"

On Sunday we had the opportunity to share our testimony - or anything that is working on our heart....situations that God had worked in our lives. I was moved to tears often - and was so encouraged by the God that we serve! So encouraged to really learn more about God and see what He has for my life.

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to go and feel really blessed to have a husband who was willing to watch the children (except the baby) for the whole weekend.

What does God have for me?

I feel like I'm coming to a crossroads in my life. I know things need to change, that I am being forced to change, it's just a matter of which way I am going to go.

I am no longer a Mother of 3-4 little ones who need exclusively for me to do everything for them. For me to clean up the house, for me to do all of whatever needs to be done. I have older ones now, and it is my sole task here in my home, to train them up in the way they should go. It is going against God to do it all myself! Because that is promoting laziness and that is not from God.

That's the other thing, though - I am SO lazy!! By nature, it's my natural tendency - I see a big something that needs to be done (toys, dishes, laundry, dinner, exercise, errands) and the first thing I want to do is run to my bed and pull the covers over my head. The second thing I want to do (since that never helps; the children all think I'm playing and want to climb all over, lol!) is just sit on my rear end and eat something bad for me and numb my mind with some sort of entertainment.

Of course I can't do that exclusively either, but looking back over my life (and yes, even this morning!) I am ASHAMED at how many times I have given into the spirit of laziness. Because I am not called to that, as a disciple of Christ! I'm NOT! If I think I'm a good christian and am obedient to Him while I am allowing this to live in my heart, I am NOT. I am going against Him, in fact.

So that's where I am today. There has to be more order in my home. There needs to be more giving of myself, more training the children in the way they should go, and less (oh MUCH MUCH less!!) entertainment for them AND me in it's place.

It's uncomfortable to write this. Because it's true - and truth hurts sometimes. But it is my heart's cry and my desire to have it different.

So I am making a change.

The part that I struggle with, of course, is what kind of changes? How to change? How to really and truly, completely change how things are - and make it something that isn't just temporary? We all know (oh, how I do know!) how dieters yo-yo back and forth with no consistency for years and years and have nothing to show for it. The DESIRE or faith is there to do it, but the works or the actual action that follows MUST support it or there will be no progress. Actually, even less - deterioration. If I'm not going forward, I am not standing still. I am going backwards.

There are two blogs that I follow avidly, reading every post with great interest to see how these mothers do it. They both have 16 children, but lead two very different lifestyles as far as mothering goes (but both love the Lord, their life, & their children with all their heart).

This one writes,

I am a stay at home mom with 16 kids, all but one still at home...I don't like rules and regulations, stupid laws, or other infringements on my rights but: I love when people are ethical and respectful from their own hearts and consciences...I love babies, and being pregnant, and love having all the children around. I love my teenagers-they are so much fun. I love my husband like crazy. I love going to the beach and staying until the sun sets. I am not organized, have no good advice to give, and cannot always remember my kids' snack days. But I love them with all my heart.

This one is a believer of order and writes,

Although I am flexible to a point, I make it part of my job to organize and keep things orderly. I have to know where my toothbrush and mascara are, as well as the baby's t-shirts and Daddy's workpants. Knowing how many pounds of rice and beans to buy each month keeps me from buying too much or too little, and helps me budget in all sorts of other delicious and nutritious things to eat.

I believe that God is calling me to change my lifestyle now. I just am not sure exactly how to go about it, or what exact path (like these two ladies, who are obviously happy and both have God-fearing children that are thriving) to take.

What does God have for me?

Honestly, I'm excited to find out! I've recently borrowed the Duggars' book (family of 18 children) from the library, and also another one written by a Mom of 13 children called "Love in the House". I'm of course wanting to train my children up to be godly, but I feel a strong pull in the spirit to get my home in order. But not just any sort of order - the order that GOD has for us, as a growing family that is starting to need more than just Mom doing most everything.

I'm being led to get on my knees more these days, to really pray to God in my need and ask for wisdom on how OUR story should be written. We can't copy so and so, and expect the same results because our family is not them. We are different, and that's okay. I am looking forward to hearing from Him what we should do, and will share with you what that is when it becomes reality.

My New Health/Diet Blog

I decided to split up my blogs. This blog was started to detail my raw vegan journey and then I sort of started veering off into a different direction, just writing my thoughts about whatever. So now I'm going to have two separate blogs for those two separate topics: family and diet. Here's the link:

The Last Few Pounds