This morning, I poured out my heart to God. It felt so good to really fulfill that verse, "Come to me, all you who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." It really became my verse as I just gave Him every fear, every need, every demand, every thought - everything that is of myself and thinks I know the best for this baby.
I woke up feeling really down. Every morning is the same, day in & day out. Despite what I've tried so far - castor oil, power walking, cat stretches wiggling my hips for 5 minutes, etc, nothing has worked. I'm starting to get these thoughts that maybe the baby isn't doing okay, OMG it hasn't moved in quite a while! Those type of thoughts. So that is why it just became too much for me to bear this morning, and I was so thankful for my heavenly father who cares so much for me, that I can go to in tears and He lovingly fills up my heart. I feel like I can square my shoulders, take a deep breath, and continue on in whatever it is He has planned for me.
Then I also claimed as my own, that verse, one of my favorites, Philippians 4:6-7 - "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
So after turning over to Him all my feelings and everything I've been going through, I simply asked Him to let the baby come soon. I let my request be made known to Him, and then received faith for peace that surpassing all understanding. It really is special to be able to go to Him in my need!
One thing, is that I am super super glad that I am not just moaning in discomfort. I really don't feel that bad at ALL - and I attribute that to not weighing 200lbs like I have in previous pregnancies (not raw). I am still going back & forth between 160-161 lbs and I've stayed there for the past 3 weeks or so. I'm still eating fruit in the morning, then whatever I want in the afternoon (aack, ice cream almost every day!), and then either fruit or nothing after 7pm. I feel the best doing this, and when I had ice cream the other night at 9pm I royally paid for it that night.
I also went power walking last night AND this morning, for about 25 minutes each time. REALLY working my hips hard, taking long strides with my knees bent a bit. I plan to go again tonight, I really need to get this baby down into the pelvis so it starts pushing on the cervix and getting things going! So that's one thing I can do, anyway.
Today is my ultrasound at 2pm, and I'm looking forward to that. First, to be in an air conditioned building! LOL. But also, to see my baby I know I'm going to just cry - I've waited so, so long. Afterwards I plan to call my midwife with the results, and ask her what our game plan is going to be. At least, so I can know what kind of timeframe we're looking at. I know I have an appt for Monday, but I would really love to get things started tomorrow - whether it be taking castor oil again, or breaking my water. We'll see - I'll keep you posted.
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