We went grocery shopping for the first time yesterday! I took the four younger ones (5,3,1, & baby) to Fred Meyers which I don't usually shop there, but they have organic produce which I like, and the main thing is they have a little childcare room for ages 2-6 where they can play while I shop. So I just had DD1 & Jack while I shopped for about 45 minutes, that was really nice! I timed it so I had Jack all nursed & changed, and he loves his cozy carseat, so he slept the entire time, plus an extra 2 hours after we got home so I was able to take a nap. Of course, it did take pretty much the entire morning to actually get out the door, and when we came back it was naptime so...I didn't get much done at all. Barely was able to get dinner on the table, but hey - that's an accomplishment!
I don't really know how Jack's doing nursing-wise - I can't tell because I look at him so much but it doesn't seem like he's really gaining much still. I've been taking the fenugreek & mother's milk tea faithfully (9 capsules per day + 3-4 cups of tea) for almost 7 days, but honestly, it almost seems like my milk is diminishing. Either that or it's leveling out to the exact amount that he needs and no more. He seems fully satisfied, sighs with contentment and goes to sleep on my shoulder after he nurses. But all my babies did that in the beginning, and they just never really gained much weight until after I introduced formula. They were so happy after that!!
If I remember right, around 2 months they start getting more fussy and not as content even after both breasts are completely emptied - as in, sucking & sucking & sucking and barely any swallows after the initial letdown and about 10 minutes on both sides. I always chalked it up to a 2-month "growth spurt" and knew they'd make more milk come in from the sucking stimulation, but the additional milk just never seemed to come. At least not to the point where they became chubby, happy babies. But I think worries can get larger than life when you're running on low sleep plus have all the hormones to deal with so who knows how it'll turn out.
So my appointment is on Monday, and I'll see what he weighs, see what they say. At this point I'm so tired of worrying about it, and getting more & more exhausted from trying to keep up the regime of nursing him every 3 hours - that I'm starting to lose sight of my goal to nurse him at all. I can see why alot of moms quit, it's just really taxing and formula is SO much easier!! No pumping necessary when you want to leave, either. I'm pretty stubborn though, and will continue to nurse him as long as I possibly can.
Did you ever have post partum depression or baby blues? I've been struggling with baby blues lately, especially yesterday & today (3 1/2 weeks PP now). I told DH I desperately needed a break last night, so I went shopping for clothes at the mall for an hour right after dinner using my Christmas money - then he called me to say the baby was crying so I needed to come home (I left Jack asleep). That was really nice to actually be out without the kids, but when I tried everything on when I got home, nothing fit. Ugh. I still am so lumpy and disproportioned!! I used to wish I had bigger boobs when I was younger, but I have come to SO much appreciate them, LOL. This full cup thing just isn't very fun when you're trying to dress modestly. Oh well, now I'll have an excuse to get a store credit at Burlington Coat Factory - I'm sure I'll find something there next time I go.
I'm trying to stay positive about my life, I'm generally a really positive person, but I just feel kind of trapped right now. I don't want to hide behind the generic term of "post partum depression" when I'm just feeling self pity, you know? And as a Christian, I keep feeling like I need to turn to God for my strength, like I'm not leaning on Him like I should, or else I wouldn't be feeling this way. One thing that has helped me is to know that God made my body, He made my feelings and everything about me HE KNOWS - so everything I wish was different, isn't that way because He's planned it like this. Not to forget that!!! Everything is planned so perfectly for me!
I gotta' pull out of this and realize the blessings I DO have and look at the positive things in my life instead of focusing on everything that pulls me down into feeling sorry for myself. I also think I had too high of expectations because of my diet and healthy lifestyle - I'm not feeling as GREAT as I thought I would (not healing NEAR as fast, I'm still bleeding some!!?), I'm not losing weight as quickly as I thought I would (stuck now at 142-144, with 10lbs to lose), and I'm not even able to stick to my diet as much as I had hoped (I am SUCH an emotional binger!!).
I need to get more realistic of my view of how things really are for a family of six children and a 3 1/2 week postpartum mom whose husband works full time and is gone 3-4 nights of the week due to church related activities. Plus, I'll bet you anything that at 6 weeks PP I'll be blogging that everything is going GREAT! =) We'll see.
By the way, I did manage to go 8 days of 100% raw, but ended up getting a little bit depressed because I only lost 2lbs. Then of course, as soon as I ate one bite of regular food (well okay, JUNK) I gained back like 4lbs. I was 100% raw for 2 days again after that, then ate chocolate, ice-cream, and crackers/cheese this morning. Good grief! I am so upside down with everything it just makes me want to cry! Ever feel like you want to just completely start a situation over? I would MOST certainly go into the whole postpartum part of it with much lower expectations. Then I wouldn't be so hard on myself or down about how it is because of these silly unrealistic ideas.
7 comments:
WOW Mama, you poor thing you have so much on your plate (by the way ive been reading your blog for a while, im so impressed with you!!)
#1 - please dont worry about breastfeeding. your precious baby is getting enough!! he would let you know if he wasnt. hes a happy baby and he seems satisfied, so he is!! not all babies get all plump and that doesnt mean they are malnourished or anything! i had the same concerns the first month of breastfeeding...my baby girl just would not stop, always wanting to be on the breast, but apparently that is normal too. supposedly they go through growth spurts a lot in the beginning. also your breasts will produce exactly what he needs. apparently it is very very rare to actually have a low milk supply. i found a lot of information and reassurance on kellymom.com. ask your doctor all your questions and im sure you will find he is gaining weight just fine!!
i cant BELIEVE you do everything you do with 6 kids!!!! you deserve a gold medal for getting out of bed everyday!!! seriously, just give yourself a huge pat on the back right now. you are amazing.
yes i had post partum blues i just kept crying and feeling overwhelmed at everything, and i only have 1! i think you probably just have so much responsibility, so many little people depending you that you are stressed and that is so normal!
give yourself grace, just accept any and all feelings as they come and dont judge yourself for anything you do right now. be gentle with yourself. you are perfect and normal AS IS!!!
That stinks that your expectations are letting you down. Some people write raw food off as the be-all, end-all like it will solve everything, but really all we can hope for is improvement, right? Not perfection.
Just making sure, you know that on demand nursing day AND NIGHT is what gives you a good milk supply?
And are you serious, formula is EASIER? What is easy about carrying cans and bottles around, worrying about your water source, always mixing up bottles, and holding a bottle up for 20 mins at a time? You don't have to pump to breastfeed, I never did! And you won't see any animals do it in nature, either. Just let your baby nurse whenever he wants to, whenever he cries. Remember it's not just food, it is closeness. So offer it lots! (and read with your free hand, nap, do activities with other kids, etc.)
Hope things smooth over! Love ya!
"i cant BELIEVE you do everything you do with 6 kids!!!! you deserve a gold medal for getting out of bed everyday!!! seriously, just give yourself a huge pat on the back right now. you are amazing."
AMEN TO THAT!!
"Just making sure, you know that on demand nursing day AND NIGHT is what gives you a good milk supply?"
AND TO THAT
"And are you serious, formula is EASIER? What is easy about carrying cans and bottles around, worrying about your water source, always mixing up bottles, and holding a bottle up for 20 mins at a time? You don't have to pump to breastfeed, I never did! And you won't see any animals do it in nature, either. Just let your baby nurse whenever he wants to, whenever he cries. Remember it's not just food, it is closeness. So offer it lots! (and read with your free hand, nap, do activities with other kids, etc.)"
ALSO TO THAT!
IT'S SO HARD...ECPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE "PLACID" KIND OF CHILDREN! jUST TODAY i GOT SO MAD AT MY 8 AND 10 YEAR OLDS! THEY CANNOT SIT STILL FOR LIKE EVEN HALF A SECOND. ALWAYS AT EACH OTHER. UGH. THEN I REALIZED(AGAIN) THAT THIS IS NORMAL FOR MY FAMILY AND I GOTTA TAKE IT IN STRIDE. CORRECT THEM, LOVE UM AND SMILE!! IT'S QUITE NORMAL TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO. SOMETIMES ALL YOU CAN DO IS TO LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS IN ORDER TO SURVIVE AND ESPECIALLY IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY!
I WANTED TO MENTION I STARTED A HEALTHY HABITS BLOG. I PUT ON SOME ENCOURAGING STUFF ON THERE TODAY. MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT. IT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER AND MAKE A LITTLE MORE SENSE OUT OF HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR BODY LATELY.
LOVE.....
Mama you are doing an amazing work. I really feel impressed to let you know that I feel like cod liver oil would really help your situation. The vitamins A and D will help, plus the EFA's. It will help your breastmilk and depression. I eat all raw vegan foods, but I still take a lot of cod liver oil. It is vital for success. Good luck!
Chin up mama! Take it easy. Don't be too hard on yourself. As long as kids are fed and watered you're doing okay in my book;) It's way too soon after the new baby to be down on yourself not that there's ever a good time, lol.
I've been following your blog since I got pregnant (16 wks. now) and I find it inspirational. You've set such a good example for thus of us w/many children and trying to live a healthy lifestyle.
Try to keep things in perspective and focus on the good you are doing. How much healthier were you this pregnancy. And HOW close are you to your goal weight in 3.5 wks?? Is that anywhere close to your last pregnancies? I'm guessing not. You're doing great regardless of a candy here or a chip there. I'm doing my best right now and if that include 4 Hershey kisses a day, so be it.
I've been struggling with raw for 1.5 yrs. I go through periods of being so hard on myself I give up. Now I'm pregnant and determined to do my best. Right now that means green smoothies, salads, fruits, nut milks/butters, plus manna bread and a cooked meal a day. It's not all raw but how much better is this for my baby than if I just gave up? That's how I'm trying to look at it. Sometimes I get so hungry and just need some soup! No big deal.
I've also set expectations with raw that haven't been met at times. Mainly weight loss. It kind of made me into a "cleansing" addict and fearful of high fat raw foods. I can't go that route right now. I just have to relax. Stress isn't going to help melt the weight and can inhibit good milk production.
Try the Blessed Thistle tincture for milk supply. I hear great things. I posted a link for you on RFT. Check it if you haven't.
I also find Nancy Campbell's Above Rubies ministry inspirational if that happens to be up your alley. She makes me feel really good about being a mom and finds scriptures that show me that God will provide everything I need (patience, energy, wisdom) to be a good mom.
I hope things start looking up:)
April
Years ago on the SAD, with my 2nd child, he was really skinny but he slept well and had plenty of wet diapers. The ped told me to put him on supplemental formula PLUS rice cereal in the bottle. He plumped up very quickly and after a while stopped nursing! I wish I had followed my instinct but back then wasn't as aware about health as I am now!
With my 3rd, I had to pump my milk a few times and was surprised that so much came out! I've always been small, and when nursing would actually just fill out an A cup bra, lol. So I was really surprised at how much milk I was producing. My 3rd baby was pretty big, though.
So, I was wondering, if you've ever pumped just to see how much you are producing? I realize it may be difficult since you are feeding him all the time, it wouldn't make sense to pump what he should be drinking, but just to see to give you a little piece of mind.
Enjoying your blog!
hmmmmm that might be a good idea!
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